Like A Bullseye...

Being honest with others about my everyday struggles is hard for me.

 

Perhaps it's because I would like for those around me to think I have it all together, not to be confused with wanting people to think that I lead a perfect life. Not that at all. But to think I am 100% T-totally happy with this crazy life I live. Truth is, that I struggle with why I am where I am. Did I always want to be a Mommy with a big family, yes. I also wanted to be a successfully educated woman with a college degree, a woman with a thriving photography business and perhaps to have a daughter somewhere in that list of four children. Straight from high school to college, I was sure to obtain a degree in Early Childhood Education: instead of graduation I had Kollin :) And we all know, once we had the first the other three were not far behind. I began photography in 2007 and have only become more successful with each passing year. When this year came and I prepared myself to place Kollin in kindergarten and Kolt and Kruz into preschool, I just knew this was my year to boom. I thought to myself about all the time I would have at home now to put into this business I adored so much. I was excited for the moments of quiet I would receive and how I would be able to keep the house super duper clean ... okay maybe stretching it a bit, but you get the point. One night in March, I laid in bed and suddenly felt this overwhelming feeling of being called to homeschool my boys. I fought and fought the thought of it, saying I don't want to. This is my time now...
 

I got up this morning alone to spend some Mommy-Jesus time. My prayer lately has been to be shown why I am where I am and to lay a peace upon me to be okay with this season of my life. And like a bullseye, the words stared me in the face:

..."He set you apart. You're not like all the other relay runners. If you spend all your time looking at the other runner behind you or focusing on the one ahead of you, wishing you had their skills and talents, your lane will go unattended. We don't need the same runners. We need sanctified runners. Consecrated runners. Runners who have been set apart for their particular leg of the race in this time, in this place....

You are a holy vessel of God, set aside for specific times when the uniqueness you offer can be fully used and valued--'a special instrument, set apart, useful to the Master' (2 Timothy 2:21). He has blessed you in Christ 'with every spiritual blessing in the heavens' (Ephesians 1:3), freeing you to engage fully in the life He has called you to lead, in ways He is faithful to reveal to you  as you walk closely with Him"...

 

And just like that, my prayer had been answered.

At this season of my life God has chosen me to be a homeschooling mommy to four precious boys, not a thriving business woman. I can not be looking back wondering what if or why not. Reading those words made me realize how important what I am doing is. And that no one in this world can do the job the way I do it. I have been appointed by Christ to educate and raise these four little men in only a way I can. I will stop asking myself why I am not where I planned to be and instead focus on this amazing challenge He has set before me. I will stop asking when my plans will begin and instead know that these are my plans. Providing my children with a sanctified education are my plans. Taking field trips with them, learning with them and watching them grow mentally, emotionally, physically, spiritually are my plans.


What is that saying? Want to hear God laugh, tell Him your plans ... Yea, that was me. And apparently, I gave Him a good ole' chuckle.