Saturday, June 1, 2013

Soul Filler-Upper ...

So if you pay attention to my sidebar over there on the right, at the bottom you will see what I've currently got my nose in. 

And right now it happens to be in this book by Sarah Mae and Sally Clarkson, Desperate: Hope For the Mom Who Needs to Breathe. And I 

I am only in Chapter 7, so I still have about half of the book to go.

 So far, this book has made me feel naked. Um, does that sound as weird as it felt when I typed it? I just feel so wide-open, like someone has stepped inside my soul and read aloud my thoughts, feelings and frustrations as a Mommy to four little ones. When Sarah Mae describes her darker days and her days of feeling like things were never going to get better ... been there. So been there. The book is so perfectly balanced with Sarah Mae describing her modern day Mommy issues: disciplining too much, not disciplining enough, feelings of despair and depression, feelings of selfishness ... and in steps Sally Clarkson. This woman is a very well known author, but she also mentors Sarah. She gives her words of wisdom, and her "I've been there too"s and her encouragement. 

With this book has come much prayer. And with much prayer comes a change in attitude. And when my attitude changes, my whole house is better. Calmer. Lighter. Even cleaner.

This week has been grand. I've really been letting the boys help around the house more. See, I am a total perfectionist in that when something needs to be done I would rather be the one to do it myself to make sure it is done right. But come on, how silly is that? Who needs a perfectly vacuumed living room when little feet are about to run all over it? I'm really letting go of that and letting the boys help me is my first step. Who knew that Kollin is a precise little vacuumer and Kolt can get pretty mean with a rag and the kitchen? 

For some reason, yesterday morning I woke up with feelings of stress. And being totally overwhelmed. I looked around at a messy hallway, a stack of people's names waiting for their pictures and a husband who was walking out the door for work. I started praying, "Please Lord. Pull me out. I don't want those feelings. Bring that joy back into our home". 

Am I sounding crazy? 
Am I the only Momma that can go from joy to despair just like that? 

I prayed that prayer, but made no physical choice to change. Instead, I let my thoughts run wild and let the lists remain piled in my mind. Travis called late in the afternoon for his timely check in and I guess he could hear the stress in my voice. 

He got home shortly after he'd called and things got better. I love that man. I resisted the touch and he hugged me anyway. Hugged me and prayed with me. And it made all the difference in the world. 

He suggested we all get dressed and go out for a Family Night. We headed to LongHorns, Chuck E. Cheese's and DQ to top it off. 

It was exactly what my soul needed. Good food that I didn't have to cook, giggles, jumps of excitement over whooping the Hubs' butt in basketball and playing with my kids. 

And to top the evening off, a random couple complimented our family and the boys' manners and paid for all five of the ice creams we purchased. 

God is so good. And mysterious. He always knows the right time to jump in and remind us we're doing a good job down here with these boys. Life can be challenging somedays, but I just love when God smiles on me. And that lady's compliments and treat to ice cream was a smile from God. 

I am totally suggesting this book to my Mommy friends. Beware though, it's deep. And if you're like me, you'll feel naked in the beginning of each chapter but clothed in His armor by the end. 


  1. This book sounds just like what I need about now. Thanks Kelsey!! I enjoy reading your blog and realizing even supermoms like you get a little stressed and overwhelmed sometimes too. :-)

    1. Oh yes ma'am. It's a constant battle, but one that I want to win!