Monday, October 21, 2013

Being Doubted Stinks ...

Have you ever promised someone something and not held up to your end of the bargain? If your answer is no, then you should probably re-evaluate your truthfulness to yourself. I think it's safe to say, we all have at some point.
 We're human y'all and it's going to happen. 

I do this most to my kids. 

"I promise we will .. (insert some crazy statement)"

C'mon.You know you do it too. 

Well, the past few weeks months I have been making false promises of getting things more in order around here: laundry, school, my office, my photography schedule. You name one of my many tasks and I have promised to make it better lately. 

As I chase Kruz down the hallway with a permanent marker in his hand, while Kohen is on the verge of a teeny Lego going in his mouth, I look to Kollin and Kolt and spout out, "I promise boys, tomorrow is going to be smoother. Mommy is going to get things in better order for your little brothers during school tomorrow." 

Or as I glance at the clock to realize it's already 11:00 and we haven't started class yet because I had 1,002 loads of laundry to do that morning, I make more promises of a timed list of events and tasks for the day. 

Or when Kollin, Kolt and Kruz come in from outside at 10:30 with grumbles of being starved, I promise we are going to eat breakfast earlier tomorrow.

It's been an epic Mommy fail. 

Because Mommy is human. And Mommy has an issue with not hearing the alarm I intently set for 6:30 every.single.morning. And for some very strange reason, I have refused to sit down with pen and paper and actually write out a schedule for our family. 

Do you ever do that? Know that you need to do something to make life easier and you just don't ever sit down to do it? Lord, I hope I am not the only one. 
(A simple comment below for some reassurance would be appreciated)

It hit me like a ton of bricks last night when I was right on the edge of one of those 
oh-I'm-fixing-to-freak moments. I looked at the laundry piled and all the rest that was scattered from here to Uganda, the families and events that are needing to be edited, my homeschool planner that is still empty for November, a half painted chalkboard in my office, toys scattered ev-er-y-where, three little boys' costume requests waiting to be filled, a notebook the size of Sasquatch full of DFACS papers to be filled out, a nice little Post-It reminding me I still have to assemble outfits for our family photos that are in a week, a blog that has had no attention for a good bit of time now, look in the kitchen to see 9 boxes of pasta that will need to be cooked for tomorrow afternoon when our group heads to feed the homeless and facing the fact that Kolt now has practice not two but three nights a week for football. 

And to be honest, I'm sure there was more than that at the moment.

Then there was a sweet reminder from a sweet friend who simply said to make a list, make a schedule.

Well, duh. I mean of course you make a list. What mother of four children, or any children for that matter doesn't make a list or have a schedule? 

Very humbly I say this: that mother is me. 

Or was me. 

I got up this morning with more promises. I sat at breakfast with my boys at promptly 8:30 this morning and promised I had a schedule for the day. 
Kollin actually said to me, "Yea right."
I guess I couldn't blame him. 

I am here to say ... it worked. I mean of course it did. Today ran much more smoothly than most days. And whereas I didn't overload my day with every task to be completed, I do feel more accomplished. For once, I wasn't running around like a chicken with my head cut off. 
(They really do that ya know. Run around after their heads are cut off. I've seen it before. Twice.)

And I actually completed tasks. Not a ton, but what's most important is I actually finished what I started. I am so one of those Mommys that will go downstairs to make myself a bowl of cereal, notice the dirty dish towel on the sink, go take it to the laundry room, see the dirty clothes piled up, throw a load in, then remember the other dirty towels in the boys' bathroom, go upstairs to get them, see the computer on my bed, remember I needed to message someone back about a photo session, log into my email, then I end up on Facebook, click onto someone else's pin on Pinterest, start looking for cute crafts for the boys, remember I only have 30 minutes until school starts, go into the school room to get everything laid out, see a dirty rag in the floor from cleaning the chalkboard the day before, pick it up to take it downstairs to the laundry room, only to remember that I never started the clothes much less got the towels from upstairs. And I'm starving. 

Yep. That's my me and all of my SuperMom glory.

As I was cleaning up from lunch, Kollin ran back in from outside and hugged me. Like one of those I-haven't-seen-you-for-ten-years sort of hugs. As his little arms wrapped around me, he said "Mommy. I'm sorry I ever doubted you." And he turned and ran back outside. 

And at the same time of being a little awed by his big-kidness and tender heart, I was a little shattered too. My kids doubted me. I'm not going to lie, it hurt to know I had let them down over and over - to the point that they doubted me.

 I am now determined to be committed to our new schedule and list-making. 

Be checking in on me, mmkay?


  1. You sound just like me!!! Of course I only have two kids but with my subbing schedule and school work and taking care of the house and family I always feel like nothing gets accomplished!! Hang in there and remember YOU CAN DO THIS!!

  2. Oh I am so this way too. I've been doing pre-k stuff with Ava at home now but not at all in the way I envisioned. I thought I would do lesson plans and schedules and that we'd be accomplishing it all the way it was when I was teaching. Instead, we spent several minutes picking up the puzzles that Caroline has strewn about and talking her into NOT eating crayons for the two trillionth time. And I'm the same about be-bopping all around the house picking up here and there w/o accomplishing very much that actually NEEDED doing. =) I did make a "family binder" for food/recipes/grocery lists and one for schedule/calendar/to-do lists and the like. It's helped a lot! Also, I'm going to message you some recipes I've found to cut some of our breakfast and lunch meal preparation time.

    Anyhow, I'm glad you posted this. The pics you post always look so cute and pulled-together and I tend to think that I'm the only one who struggles with stuff like this. It helps me to know that even you have times like this! Thanks for that!

    Third, you rock this b/c you have love in your home. Love of Jesus, love of family and love of others... JOY!

  3. You are certainly not alone as I have felt the exact same way before! Don't feel bad one bit. You are an awesome mom and you should not be so hard on yourself! Your kids know that you love them and that's all that will matter in the end. Not to mention you are raising them to love the Lord and it definitely shows!

  4. Sweetheart believe it or not that happens to every mother. It's okay! Just remember Scarlett O'Hara's words....Tomorrow is another day. There has been a time or two or well lets just leave it at that, that I have given Dale that "look" locked myself in my bedroom and could my wonderful husband tell the kids....okay guys Mommy is done for the day....leave her alone okay guys. I can't tell you how much that helps and what a better mom/wife/homemaker I would be after that break. I never homeschooled so you are really a rockstar momma!