My 100th Post ...

I can't believe I just typed that up there ... my 100th blog entry. Heck, it probably should have happened a while back since I started this thing nearly 2 years ago. Regardless, I did it and I am so proud of myself. 

May this post only bring more and more and more entries after it ... 

Okay. Onto a more 'blog-ish' note ...

These past few days have been weird. Vague, I know. But they have been. 

As I was wrapping up my Thursday night early into Friday morning, I happened upon a Facebook status of a distant friend from school who posted about her fiance being in a car wreck earlier Thursday evening. She posted specifics and quite honestly, it was bad. Really, really bad. Her fiance had just come a couple weeks ago and pressure washed my house in exchange for me to take pictures of their exchanging of their wedding vows ... their wedding vows. 

I prayed before I fell asleep and I swear I woke up praying in my heart and spirit Saturday morning. I jumped online to find out he had made it through the night. I gave praise to God for pulling him through and I began getting in touch with all the prayer warriors I know, I called my Pastor. Then I called my Momma ... and I lost it. My heart flooded with how much hurt my friend was going through. And their children. How would she tell them? I cried to my Momma, my heart literally ached for her. 

Friday was an unusual day. My three oldest were spending the day with my Dad and Travis was working, so it was only me and my littlest munchkin.

 My house was a wreck and I had so much work to do and instead I chose to go have lunch with my Momma. No matter how old I get, some days I just need my Momma. Heck, sometimes I still climb up in her lap and let her rock me. Yea, I do that. 

Lunch was wonderful and just what I needed. We talked about things I can't post about ... you know that has to be juicy. Kohen enjoyed having his YahYah all to himself. And because he gave her so much lovin', she fed him way too much sweet potato souffle. And I was totally okay with it. 

The rest of my Friday consisted of spending way too much time in Ross, turning in a 'last minute' set of 'last minute' paperwork for the husband's admission at CSU, getting an awesome decal for the new van, Kollin's baseball game and finding out my friend's husband passed away Friday afternoon. Bittersweet.

This is my niece Macey. Her wonderful Mommy made me our decal. Thanks Am!

Saturday was a rush. I mean, the entire day was one big blur. We had Kolt's last spring football game at 11:30, Kollin's baseball game at 3:00, a graduation party for my cousin Hannah at 4:00 and a couple's shower for my sister-in-law and her soon to be hubby in Marietta. Seriously, a blur. 

 What Kolt does at baseball: play cars.

Real PawPaws push strollers :)

Sunday morning brought cheer to the gloominess I'd had in my heart, I love our church and family there. Worshipping is a stress reliever for me and I love hearing what our Pastor has been given by God to give to us. We spent that afternoon eating Mexican with my MawMaw and PawPaw, running into Target and Home Depot amidst the flood of rain and I edited away the rest of it. We spent that night at church ...

Geez, I hope I'm not boring you. I just realized none of this is very witty. Oh well. 

It is what it is. 

(I love that saying. So true.)

Our Drama Team performed during our evening service and they just plain amaze me. I always get so emotional watching our teens proclaim their love for Christ by performing these acts to different songs. And I always picture Kollin up there in the blink of an eye.

***

In the midst of all the activities we have going on, I have had this lingering question in the back of my mind. 

Am I ever going to get better at this? 

Call it the Devil talking in my ear and in my spirit, call it self-pity, call it me being just plain dumb, call it what you will. In the last few weeks, I have felt like such a failure. A failure at Mommyhood, a failure as a wife, a failure as a daughter, a failure as a business owner. I'm not sure if life spiraled out of control when Travis had his surgery or when we tackled three sports all at once. But it has. And my house is never clean (at least not every room at the same time), we're always late to something, my laundry is always piled to the ceiling, our homeschooling has taken a hit, I have sessions coming out of my ears waiting to get edited and I want to get my ghostly-looking legs tan. At the end of the day, I am exhausted and feel defeated because I am still staring at an endless To-Do List. I am not one to share my feelings often, at least not in person (so please, no one confront me in WalMart about my insecurities), but Sunday night I was forced to just let it all out to Travis. Yea, I had one of those ugly cries like Farrah on Teen Mom. During my melt down I was sweetly reminded that not only is Travis my husband, but he is my best friend, my rock and the one that God gave me to help me during dark times. Travis never ceases to amaze me in thinking I am not crazy. He gets me. And that is tough to do. 

After hours of conversing in the closet (don't ask) and many "No hunny, you're not crazy"s - I think we have a plan to tackle what we need to for me to regain my sanity. And that plan does not include starting any projects that include loud noises, nails, screws, wood ... heck, really it doesn't include anything from the garage or Ikea. 

Other than our ginormous garbage can. 

It includes goal setting, planning, practicing the word 'no' and more days set aside for me to work. 

Here is the scripture I will be reciting and proclaiming this week. I will not allow the Devil to have a grip on me ...

Therefore each of you must put off falsehood and speak truthfully to your neighbor, for we are all members of one body. “In your anger do not sin” : Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry, and do not give the devil a foothold. Anyone who has been stealing must steal no longer, but must work, doing something useful with their own hands, that they may have something to share with those in need.

Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen. And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, with whom you were sealed for the day of redemption.Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.

Epehsians 4:25-32

Please continue to pray for my friend and her family.  

Thanks to my readers who have kept posting comments, clicking that 'Like' button and showing me so much encouragement for my blog. I love writing, it is such an outlet and stress reliever for me. I've started a Facebook page for August Twelfth here to help everyone keep up with my entires ... hope y'all enjoy it! 

Thank you for listening ...