Saturday, July 13, 2013

Oh My KoKo Beans ...

You are officially one. Officially on your way to toddler-hood. Officially not a newborn. Okay so no. At ten months or even six months you weren't a newborn either, but one? One is so much more official. 

See Kohen - Mommy apparently has an addiction to babies. An obsession. Not anything crazy, but I do love me some babies. Hence the whole Mommy and Daddy have four children ages six and under. Love.Me.Some.Babies. 

And you. You have been the only one to be this big of a baby for so long. Not like big in size (you are a runt my Love), like big in dependency. Big in emotion. And I am absorbing every second of it. 

One of those big things is nursing. You are still nursing 3-4 times a day. Breakfast, lunch and dinner. Sometimes a snack. And as much as you need it, I need it too. It calms me. In a house full of independent little fellows, it's nice to be needed outside of bowls of cereal, wiping noses (and butts) and washing/folding/putting away the same pair of underwear three times in the same week. It's a different type of need completely. I think the Good Lord knew Daddy and I would have a baby-making break at this point and that I would need you to need me a little longer ... I love how He knows me so well.

You have such a sweet spirit about you. I wish I knew the words, but I just don't.

No matter where you are or who you are with, the moment you hear my voice you look for me. And when you see me you smile and both arms reach for me. Oh my. Oh my, there is nothing like it. 

You and Kruz have such a special bond. Of course I pray you always remain close with all of your brothers, but I just have this feeling that you and Kruz having something a little more. He looks after you, makes sure you have a paci at all times and that there is nothing  "bad in your mouth" (words of Kruz). I wish words could describe the joy that resonates in my soul when I hear Kruz say to you "Heeeey Loooove" in his high pitch-baby talk voice. And you just smile your one dimple smile. You know he named you KoKo. Which has somehow turned into KoKo Beans. Remember when times ever get tough with your brothers - and I'm sure as you get older things of this world will try to come between you all - remember these times. Remember these bonds ...

You are a blanket.lover. As in, you must have one to sleep. You must have one in the car. You must have one in your walker/swing/exercauser. And sometimes you must have one all of the time. Seriously. 

You are a great eater. Your teeny 15 pound self doesn't give that away, but really you are. You love blueberries, bananas, beans, avocados, yogurt, sweet potatoes, carrots ... the list goes on. And when you want more, you squeal. And squeal and squeal until I give you more. Smart kid - you know how to get what you want.

You have become a fabulous sleeper and most nights you sleep around 13-14 hours. You are a particular kiddo though. You like your bed. With your blanket. With your mobile. End of story. Most anything else simply will not do. 

You're already "pitching fits". Yea, you do. If I (or anyone else) put you down when you don't want to be put down ... oh, it's on. You burst into tears and throw your head between your knees (in worse terms, you hit your head on the floor), cry more and look up to see if anyone is paying you attention - and if anyone is, you do it again. Oh dear. A dramatic one you are. But no worries, I'm in the midst of raising three others who are in the same business as you ...

I am your favorite person. Point blank. Hands down. No questions asked.

You are crawling, pulling up and no where near walking. Thank goodness.

The technicals of Kohen: You are a runt my child. A growing runt, but a runt. You sport 6-9 months in tops and 0-3 months in your bottoms. You wear a size 2 diaper. You weigh about 15 pounds. Your favorite paci is the Nuk. 

Your dependency on me fills my soul with exactly what God intended me for, to be a Mommy. In all honesty, Mommy went through a depression during your pregnancy. Why? I couldn't tell you an exact reason. I believe the Devil will fill you with doubt and will make you unreasonably question yourself. Am I really going to be sufficient for four children? I dreaded being a failure and I can remember several times asking my close friends to pray for me. When you came out, every feeling of anything other than peace, joy and understanding left me. I held you and I knew this was exactly where I was supposed to be. With you. God made you for me. And me for you. Shortly after you were born your temperatures were lower than "normal", the nurses swaddled you, put you in a heated bed and tried a few other tricks and nothing worked. When they finally left us alone, I unswaddled you, took off your hospital shirt and put you skin to skin with me. Chest to chest. Heart to heart. It was during that time that my heart was changed. It was the Lord's confirmation. Your timing in my life was perfect. We sat there for an hour or so like that and the nurse came back in to check your temperature and it was perfect. I knew then that we would need each other in a special kind of way a little longer ... and I was right. 

I love you baby.



  1. Kohen is so sweet and so blessed to be in your family. Love your honesty and I love how God gave you kohen in his timing and prepared your heart to love another baby boy!