Back in January I shared with you about our calling on adoption.
You can read the story here.
To make it short, I never felt led to be a foster or adoptive parent. It was something I thought I was not cut out for at all. In October of last year, I heard the voice of the Lord for the first and only time in my life. In the midst of that moment, my family was called to adopt. My experience was so surreal and in that moment my heart was changed and I began to seek God for how He wanted to use me in this way. Before that though, was this ...
Throughout the many jobs and journeys I have gone through in my life, I have always felt like being a Mommy was my calling. For a long time I tried to make my life about something else. You know sometimes we know in our hearts what God wants for us, but we want something different. And we fight it and try our best to get around it. I hope you don't mistake that for putting my own goals above my children. My children have always been a top priority in my life, of course - they're my heart. For a long time though, I looked forward to the day they would start school and the days I would have "rest" at home and time to focus on my dreams and desires. At this time I would have told you photography was my focus. Blindly, I had convinced myself this was where I needed to be putting my attention. Be a photographer. I'm typing this and it sounds really, really bad. Fact is though, there are tons of Mommys who have other jobs than at home. And that is okay. God calls us Mommys for all different jobs. And it goes without saying, even though some Mommys work outside of the home, they love their children no less. And at this time, I wanted to be one of those Mommys. One with a job other than being a Mommy.
In March 2012, I was called to homeschool my children. I felt this peace within about teaching my children at home and I plan to write about this more in a couple weeks. I knew what God wanted of me and I still fought it. Fought it to the core. I longed for photography to be my job. I have an eye and a love for it. And to set aside a business that I worked so hard in building was disheartening and hard. I watched photography friends around me post peek after peek and session after session while I planned reading, writing and math. I loved homeschooling the boys though. And it was hard to make time for both. The Lord continued to work in my heart though and I realized that if I didn't step up to His calling for me and my family, I would be taking away His blessings and His plans for my entire family, not just me. I embraced homeschooling wholeheartedly. I still book sessions and weddings at the convenience of my children and our lives. I enjoy when I'm able to photograph others, but it is no longer my top focus.
I wrote all of this to say this: had I not chose to homeschool and listen to what God was calling me to do, chances are I wouldn't have been where I was when I was when God spoke to me about adoption. And I would have disrupted His plans for my family entirely.
Yesterday, we took our first step towards making a difference in the life of a child we don't even know yet. It was a small step, but a step nonetheless. Travis and I gathered the kids and my Momma in the living room and we prayed before we left for our Foster Parenting Orientation. We are being sure to include the boys in every step and never forgetting to pray before we take each of those steps.
The Orientation was a little over two hours and although we've done our research and knew quite a bit of what was covered, we learned a few things too.
I am feeling liberated and privileged to know that God is using me. As scary as this process can be, I know God's hand will be with us throughout each new task we complete. I'm not saying it is going to be easy, but I am comforted to know that God offers grace during times of difficulty. I am comforted to know He will guide me in decisions. Please continue to pray for us as we complete the next step. I will be sure to update as we go.
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