Sunday, January 4, 2015

Transform ...

Two years ago I sat behind this blog and chose just one word to follow for the New Year. No crazy resolution list, just one word. Two years ago that word was Positive and you can see that post here. I'd like to think my thinking has changed quite a bit since then in the positivity department. Last year I was trudging through a miserable first trimester with this doll. So there was no word. Or maybe the word was survival and I just didn't post about it. And if it was survival, well I think I did a pretty darn good job following that one because I made it through last year!

This year my word is transform

As I look at my life right now, I feel like I am looking at a pivotal point. A point where I can either choose to go one way, or choose to go another. One path I am looking at looks dark, lonely, confusing and sad. And the other looks more difficult to tackle, looks like there is much more work to do on my end, looks like a lot of changing. And it looks bright and it looks promising. 

I don't want to live a life of mediocracy. I want to be transformed into something amazing, something only God can do. My heart, my character, my voice, my thoughts, my servanthood, my actions, my diet, my parenting, my family relationships, my expectations, my body, my marriage, my words, my schedule, my home, my finances, my friendships - all of it, every single bit of it. It all needs to be transformed. If you are thinking that all of that sounds like so much more to do than just one word, well you are probably right. But here's the thing. This transformation, this grand transformation, can come from Him. I want to be transformed in Him, through Him, by Him.

I am choosing the bright path, the promising path. I am choosing to change. I am choosing to believe Him for what is best for me. I am choosing to lessen my expectations of those around me who disappoint me day in and day out and rest in Him. I am choosing to lean on Him and not desserts and Dr. Phil. I am choosing to start my day in His Word and in prayer. I am choosing to take a long look at my marriage and to make it better than it has ever been. I am choosing to tackle this parenting thing from a new angle and give it my all to have that infamous "Michelle Duggar voice". I am choosing to stop caring what others around me think and to give God the control over my family. I am choosing to let my friends know just how much they really mean to me. I am choosing to take better care of my body. I am choosing to change. I am choosing to be transformed

Social media and life in general can be so deceiving. Don't ya think? Most people who look into my life see nothing but rainbows and I guess that is why I try to be so real on here. I have actually had someone ask me before if the Hubs and I have ever fought before? Really. I'm not kidding. And I think I laughed at her. And it's not because we have knock down drag outs every day, but it is because nothing in life is perfect. Not a family, not a marriage, not friendships, not diets. Nothing. When looking into someone else's life, you don't always see the imperfect stuff. So let me share a little bit of my imperfect-ness. It's in my heart. My heart has been so hard lately. And in the past few months a lot in my life has come to surface. I am starting to recognize areas of my life that for so long I chose to sweep under the rug. I've been carrying a lot of hurt, a lot of feeling less than, a lot of burdens. I am seeing things from my childhood and from my marriage that I wish would have been different, things that I wish I would've stood up for a long time ago. And through this, God is jumping up and down screaming, "Over here! I'm over here! Come to Me for the healing you need! Come to Me and I will transform you into what I created you to be!" I hear His voice so sweetly and clearly and I am ready. I am ready to hang up the hurt, to hang up the feeling less than, to hang up the burdens. 

I am ready to be transformed.

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