Time to Admit I'm a New Creature ...

I'm sitting here behind my computer picking at my nails, staring at the keyboard and peeking up at the blank screen like everything I'm thinking is going to just put itself there. Because, it's like, I don't know how to pick up something after having left it for so long. 

I've changed over the past year. Something about nearly losing your Dad, having to put on your Big Girl Panties to make some major adult decisions, deciding it's okay to dream again and making the changes to start doing that, losing two cousins who are your own age in a month of each other and turning 30 that'll do that to you. 

My friend Nicole turned 30 before I did and I remember her telling me how much changes. All the feels. All the ways you stop caring about some stuff and start caring way more about other stuff. All the ways you realize what is really important and just how brutiful this life thing is at it's core. All the ways you quit giving a rat's behind about other's opinions and start focusing more on the people who mean the most. All the ways you realize who your real friends are. All the ways you realize as a Mother that You matter, like You - not the Wife-You or the Mama-You - but just You. 

At 29, I thought she was crazy. 

At 30, I realized it's all true. I feel like over the past year, I've become a New Creature. I have learned to make my marriage more important than I ever have. I have learned to only value the opinions of those who matter most to me. I have learned that my Walk and my Relationship with God will not look like everyone else's and that's totally cool with Him. I have learned that not everyone will agree with me. I have learned our Family Dynamic is different than most of those around us and that's okay. Because here's the thing: they're not me. They're not Travis' wife. They're not Kollin, Kolt, Kruz, Kohen and Khloe's Mama. Nope. That'd be me. 

I have no idea where any of that just came from. For real. My intention was to get on here and be all blubbery about how much I miss this dang blog. But maybe though I'm just having a hard time starting again because a lot in me has changed and I needed to acknowledge that. 

Or maybe I'm just Hormonally Challenged these days and I don't blog anymore simply because it isn't written on my beloved To-Do List. Either one. 

Really though, I do miss this blog. I miss it enough that this will be my third attempt at jumping back in. 

I miss sharing my messiness, my victories, my favorite recipes. 

I miss venting. 

I miss letting all of my crazy show and forgetting until I see some of y'all in public and think, "Oh Dear".

I miss having something to go back and look at when it comes to how fast my babies are growing up.

Seriously though, now that I'm thinking about it, maybe I should put this sucker on my beloved To-Do List. That might just work. Because for real, if "Feed the Kids Breakfast" wasn't on there, they wouldn't get fed. 

I'm just gonna totally flip the script on ya and say all of these pictures are from Memorial Day! And yes, Kruz was there. He's just such a little fish that I couldn't catch him on the camera. 

Monday was good. My feels were a little way more there this year than the Memorial Days before since we lost my Cousin Bradley back in January. He served our country for several years proudly and at 29 he left us.

I made sure we sat the kiddos down this year and told them about Memorial Day; the history of it and why it is so much more than a day off of work and being at the pool all day. We talked about the difference in Armed Forces Day, Memorial Day and Veteran's Day. We talked about Bradley and others in our family who have served.  We talked about soldiers and their bravery, their sacrifices, their families and how some give their life for our Freedom. We talked about Pearl Harbor, September 11 and Operation Iraqi Freedom. We talked about why I made them dress in Red, White and Blue for church the Sunday before. 

And before we were done, we circled around one of the Toy Soldiers our church gave out the day before as a reminder to pray for our military and we did just that. We took turns praying for our soldiers, their families and our country. 

Alright Y'all. That's all I got. 

My babies were worn out by the Pool today and it's so quiet here, so I'm off to read! 

Night!

Mission Trip to Honduras: Post Five ...

I'd like to say I think I have survived this week. This time tomorrow I will be all snuggled up with my husband and will have all five of my babies under the same roof. 

They finished their job up today. 

The roof and the finishes will be added by the other men there in Honduras. 

Mrs. Susan said it rained every night, but each morning they woke up to beautiful blue skies. We are so thankful God has blessed this trip and made it fruitful! Yesterday I mentioned one of the ladies in the village was hit in the head with a hammer that fell off of the ledge where they were building, I am thankful to let you know this sweet lady is doing fine. She told Mrs. Susan she had a headache and was sore, but that she was going to be fine. Thank you for your prayers.

I am heading to bed knowing my house will be full again tomorrow. Until then it's this Momma, some Family Feud and a Nutty Buddy ice cream cone. It's all about the comfort this week ... 

Mission Trip To Honduras: Post Four

Y'all. I lied yesterday when I said that was the hardest day. Today has been rough. Can I just say I have no clue how in the world military spouses go without their mate for so long? My hat goes off to them because I cried about a thousand times today and my man has only been gone for a few days. Oh boy, Friday can not get here fast enough ...

(Kollin has enjoyed having a letter from me

 each night to read. And I enjoy hearing

 him read them to me.)

I guess there is no better reason to be missing the Hubs and Kollin than something like this though. Here is a picture of the progress of the church they are building. Looks great huh? 

Just like any other night this week, it ended with FaceTime. Kollin just can't stop talking about all of his new friends. He taught one of his new friends Arnold how to play Thumb War and Slaps. Travis said it's pretty funny to watch Kollin and the other children there communicate. I think they are all learning a lot from this week. 

The husband apparently got a stomach bug or something while he's been down there. On the flip side of that, Kollin said he had the "best chicken of his life" tonight. 

More shoes were handed out today and Travis said the kiddos were pretty excited about it all. Apparently, the brighter the shoes the better! 

"Please pray for one of the church women where we are building the church. She was walking by the church and a hammer fell off the wall and hit her in the head. It made a big gash in her head. One of the guys with us, Travis is a paramedic and tended to it but I know she is in a lot of pain. I am thankful it was not one of the children that was hit."

This note was posted by Mrs. Susan tonight on FaceBook. Travis said there are no hospitals there and there wasn't much they could do other than to clean it up really good. Please pray for this sweet woman from the village there.

Mission Trip to Honduras: Post Three

The saying is true people, "Distance makes the heart grow fonder".

I think today has been the hardest for me emotionally. Not that I locked myself in a room somewhere and cried uncontrollably or anything, but pretty much every thought that crossed my mind ended with just how much I'm missing my two boys. 

Kollin was beaming on FaceTime tonight. He was telling me all about how much help he was today in helping build the church. In his words he got to "nut and bolt things together" and "haul off wood in buckets". As much as Kollin went on and on about getting to really work today, the husband went on and on about these three little girls he met today and how they thought he was "muy guapo". 

Apparently, they thought my husband was cute. 

Some of our group went to visit the orphanage there this afternoon. Our group was

able to give 16 boys new shoes and socks!

(Those that were able to hand out shoes to the boys at the orphanage.)

There is so much work left to be done in building this new church there. Please pray

they are able to complete the project before Friday!

P.S. There is a PIZZA HUT in Honduras! I bet Kollin was shocked considering he asked

me at one point before the trip if they would have any normal food there.

Mission Trip to Honduras: Post Two

Who knew a 20 minute chat could calm one's heart so much? 

I pretty much watch the clock all day and count down to when I can talk to the husband and Kollin. And as expected, their voices, smiles, laughter and the sudden high pitch baby talk they do as soon as Khloe's face pops up on the screen made my heart super happy.

Kollin is doing so much better than I thought he would. Some of the Momma in me is heartbroken about that and then the other Momma in me is super relieved about it. I was really expecting teary phone calls and lots of "I wanna come home"s. But I haven't had either of those, unless you consider me crying a teary phone call. 

I was sure to pack several little notes for Kollin to have throughout the week. I packed one for him while he was on the plane ride, one for Sunday morning and one for Sunday night, one for Monday night, Tuesday night, Wednesday night and Thursday night, then one for Friday morning. Too much? 

(This picture was taken by Mrs. Susan yesterday.)

A picture like this one makes all my second guessing I did early Saturday morning fly out the window. God wanted Kollin in Honduras this week and I feel such peace in my heart about spending this time away from him. I am so thankful for pictures like these. 

They got a lot done today. This picture below is the progress from yesterday's end to today's end. 

Please continue to pray for our group in Honduras and for nice weather so they are able to complete this church before Friday. 

P.S. The husband survived the soggy fish.  

Mission Trip to Honduras: Post One

My kid is alright y'all. 

I mean he does look like he has grown quite a bit in the last day, but other than that he's okay. 

After only 700 attempts to connect on FaceTime, we were finally able to get through to each other. 

Kollin was so excited to tell me all about his adventures today. After their devotion this morning, they started work on building the church. He said there wasn't a whole lot he could do today, everything was "real heavy", but he was able to spend time with the children that are where they are building at. According to Kollin, he had three "little Hondurian girls" chasing him around all day. He also mentioned not having a clue what he ate tonight. Oh dear. 

(A few of the precious kiddos there, this photo is from Mrs. Susan who is there with our group.)

Then there was this other guy I got to talk to. 

Man, I miss him. 

Like ... bad. 

So here is to starting another 24 hour countdown until I can see them tomorrow night.

Please continue to pray for our ladies and dudes as they work in Honduras. 

(This pictures includes all the guys from the three churches there to help build the church, this photo is also from Mrs. Susan.)

And pray the soggy fish my husband ate tonight doesn't kill him ... 

My Six Valentines ...

I had six Valentine's this year.

Six lives to celebrate just how much I really, really love them.

Six people I love so much, sometimes my heart aches from it. 

One of these six people I've only seen on a screen and already love her with every fiber of my being. I think about her and just smile. Smile so big, my cheeks will start to hurt.

Four of them are the most rambunctious, full of life, stubborn, smart, beautiful little boys I have ever known. I think to myself how blessed I am that I was picked for them. To love them, to teach them, to mold them, to kiss them, to brush their teeth, to learn something knew about each of them everyday. Me. That is all for me. And that is overwhelming.

One of these six I have nearly spent more of my life with than without. I think to myself about life without him and I cringe. He is such a part of me that I wonder if I could ever live without him. I am blessed to parent with him, laugh with him, squabble with him and pretty much figure out this thing called life with him. I often laugh about all of those who said we'd never make it. As politely as I can say, in yo face!

Yea. So it was a week ago. So what? I can still get all mushy a week later, right? 

Truth is - we're not big Valentine's Day people. I'm not the Momma to spend money on candy, stuffed animals and more junk stuff. As far as I'm concerned, that's what The Grands are for. Right Momma? I am the Momma to find more excuses that day to plant kisses on them more and tell them how much I love them over and over and over. 

Our Valentine's Day consisted of Olive Garden for lunch and the hubs and I surprised the boys with a trip to see Walking With Dinos at the dollar theater in a town close to us. I'm telling you - $5.00 for all of us? I'm a sucker for a cheap afternoon of fun and I have to admit, I've pretty much boycotted going to a regular theater. We had lots of fun as usual when we get away from schoolwork, tests, laundry and everyday life. Days like that, I thrive for.

So if you're wondering what I was treated with on Valentine's Day, here you go. Travis came home with a good ole' game of Hangman Thursday night after work. Here was my answer: pure bliss once a month for the next six months. 

And for fun this year, I actually made something for my Momma and MawMaw. Each of these ladies do so much for my family and I wanted a little way to show them just how much we love them. 

Adjusting Again ...

I feel like our family is always adjusting to new schedules. And just about the time we get adjusted, some thing comes along and it changes again. 

My boys have went from a Daddy who was:

a firefighter on a 24 on and 48 off schedule to a firefighter, insurance agent and landscaper to a firefighter and landscaper to a firefighter turned firefighter in the office working to a landscaper and full time student. 

My poor kiddos. Just the other night Kruz prayed for Travis' safety for when he goes back to the firestation ... confusion has settled in.

Landscaping is seasonal though so Travis picked up a part time job at Costco just to supplement our income. Landscaping will come back into full force again in March. I am so thankful for this job, as I know they are scarce these days and this came so easily to us. The hours are a little different and are from mid afternoon to 8:00, he is only off on Fridays and Sundays. I know the hours don't seem bad and they're really not - it's just almost anything I get to do Mommy time wise, happens after dinner - like slipping out to lesson plan or have any kind of girl time. I hate, hate asking people to watch my babies often so I have some readjusting in my own schedule. 

Pictures for Daddy ...

My only other major readjustment is not having dinner as a family. Yea, that one bites the most. 

Bedtime was hard at first because the boys had finally got use to having Daddy home to tuck them in. I was really trying to get them in bed by 7:30, but I noticed six little eyes stayed popped open until they saw headlights come into the driveway. Travis and I finally decided I would stop fighting the uphill battle and just let them read in their bed until he got home to do their nightly Bible bedtime stories with him. So far, that has been much better. 

I keep telling myself this is all momentary. The crazy landscaping hours, the seasonal jobs and the husband with his face shoved in a book every time I see him. Time flies and I hate to wish these crazy times away. I do look forward though to the regular schedule he will have once his degree is complete. 

The constant change is reminding me He is steadfast when I am not, He is encouraging when I feel discouraged, He is in control when I am disarrayed and He is always there to fill me with joy when I am down. 

We're No Surprise ...

I must say "so" and "um" a ton because when I post, I find myself typing it way too many times to count and having to go back and delete them. So, um ... with that being said I'll continue on.

Last night was a good night. 

I had a first, which I am not good at having firsts. I'm no good at change to be honest. I like what I've got going on here and so, yea ... I just like what I have going on here and I'm not about to change it. Or at least I don't like to. Now I know there are some Mommas who are totally cool with handing over their babies for the night when they are super little. And I am not that Momma. Nothing wrong with it, I'm just not that Momma. I like my babies home with me for all of their nights until they're like 2. Okay, maybe not 2. But darn near close. Kohen has been with me every night of his life. Until last night. My Momma made an offer I couldn't resist - "Let me keep all the boys at my house Friday night". 

I had some hesitation, I know - I'm crazy. The husband of course started counting down from the time I told him until yesterday morning. 

We ended up with a kidless night. And it was great. You know sometimes you don't realize how much you need something until you're right smack in the middle of it. 

Our plans to Atlanta quickly turned into our favorite local Japanese spot. Which is cool with me, I'm learning we are creatures of habit when it comes to date night. As much as I would love to say we are adventurous and as much as I'd like to be that couple that pick new places to eat - we don't. And it was good as always. We sat at dinner talking about staying out super late and what we could do. Dave and Buster's popped into the conversation and we were so excited about it. 

We were hyped, for like a minute. 

We ate a little bit more and Travis looked at me and said "Or we could go get some something sweet from Target, go get some used games from Gamestop and go home and play the Wii". So we did. And it was right up our ally. 

Starbucks was our choice of a treat and we got 3 games from Gamestop, 2 of 3 being ones for the boys for Christmas morning. (One of the few days of the year we let them play the darn thing.) We headed home, jumped in pajamas, curled up in the bed and laughed our butts off watching Mario and his Yoshi slurp in Luigi and spit him back out. We ended the night with Madea's Witness Protection Program. 

Aw, the perfect date night. 

For us anyway.

The Nichols Brood Invade Turner Field ...

I would love to sit here and type how much I long to sit in the hot stands with an extremely overpriced Coke in my hands and cheer on our Atlanta Braves. And I would love to sit here and tell you all about who plays what position and what their stats are. But it's not going to happen. Sorry folks. 

Don't get me wrong. I love the occasional ball game. I love going with the Hubs and trying so hard to get on the Kissing Cam. We fail miserably every.single.time though. Our smooches are adorable, I don't know what their problem is. There is nothing quite like the Tomahawk Chop though. 

Apparently the husband didn't get the memo last Tuesday that I toted four kids around to the bowling alley and out for pizza and ice cream with Nicole and Amber's crew. Then I really shook things up and decided if we were already out, exhausted and miserable - we might as well get haircuts too. In the midst of the chaos, the husband shoots me a text asking about heading to the Braves games. 

With all my heart, I pulled the "one of the boys doesn't feel too well" card. 

It didn't work. He'd already been to Academy and bought a new Braves hat. He was determined to go. And I was determined to stay home. 

So what do all responsible, rational married couple do to solve problems:

ROCK.PAPER.SCISSORS.

Best out of three was thrown as we stared at four beyond tired boys and cloudy skies. I lost and we loaded up and headed to Turner Field with ponchos and pistachios in hand.

The tickets we snagged came with a $10 food credit on each one at the 755 Club.

 It was pizza-times-two kind of day. 

One of the best things about the night was this lady meeting up with us for the game. One positive note to social media: she read my status and BAM! met us there. 

This little dude is more of a football guy if you ask me. 

Either that or the Chop wore him out.

Like all last minute things that turn out amazing, I was so glad we went. We ended up with amazing tickets, a cool breeze and the boys had a blast. And after many bad dance moves, we still failed to get on the jumbo screen. 

Maybe next time boys. Maybe next time. 

It's Not Too Much To Ask ... Is It?

Have you ever really sat back and asked yourself what you want for your kids? 
I mean, of course you want health and happiness. Go past that. What morals, values, priorities and traditions do you want them to carry?

I attended a funeral this past week for one of Travis' grandmothers. She was a sweet lady - nothing over 85 pounds, feisty as a chihuahua and would have given you anything you asked for, as long as she thought it was a good idea. Her sweet tea was terrible and she always put Kollin's diapers on backwards when he was a wee little one, then wondered why his little cheeks hung out of the bottom. She was so good to my husband and made up for some of the times his parents fell short. 

I stood next to my husband holding Kohen, watching this family be as awkward as ever. 

Sisters not recognizing one another. 

Bitterness.

One of his aunts asked him who he was.   

And I wondered to myself, when did this happen? If Grandma Bell could see them now, would she say "This is not what I wanted for my children."

It seems as though I do a lot of thinking during funeral services. Maybe because it's so quiet. Maybe because it's a reminder that life isn't forever. As I watched her children sit in the front rows, I wondered if this was what she wanted. I can only think she would have wanted more for her own; closeness, a sense of belonging. And I began to think about what I want for my own. My boys. 

I want my boys to become great men of God. I want them to stand firm on their beliefs and know that being a Christian isn't always easy. In fact, sometimes it's downright difficult. In a world where so many people rely on fleshly fulfillments, sometimes it's hard to remember the right place to run. I want them to believe in miracles, healing and blessings. Not luck. 

I want them to always respect their elders. 

I want them to honor women, now and later. Always. I am teaching them now to always ask me if I need help, carry grocery bags for me and open doors. It's important they know how to treat women with respect and in my opinion, that starts now with me. 

I want them to be quick to forgive. 

 

I want my children to always, always have a home to come to. For holidays and special occasions of course, but a place of refuge, a place without judgement. A home filled with love and laughter.

I want them to always live "right down the road".

I want my children to love others. As we prepare our children and our lives for adoption, we want our boys to know no difference in race or background. We have all been created by God, every one of us. And I want their hearts to reach out to those who may not know love from anyone else. 

I want my children to always see their parents in love. No matter our age, no matter the circumstance. I want our marriage to be an example for our boys and their wives. I want them to know that through the rough spots we still love each other, through the disappointments and through the heartaches. I want them to see us pray through problems together. 

I want them to always put their family first. So often around us families fall apart and give up on one another. I want them to always know we are on the Rock. I want them to always be close to each other, as brothers, as best friends. I want their children to grow up as best friends too.

 I mean c'mon. Is this too much to ask? 
I think not.