To My Weeping Mommas ...

I sat on the couch and wept. 

How could it be that after so much effort and time that my world seemed to be crumbling right beneath me?

How could it be after nearly 12 years of marriage that I looked at my husband some days and wondered who he was and where our sappy love had went to? 

How could it be after pouring into my children day in and day out there was still a struggle with respect, obedience and making the right choices everyday? 

How?

I sat on the couch and wept. I was in one of the most vulnerable states I had ever been in in my life. I knew no one in the flesh could give me the answer I needed to hear. The answer I needed for my spirit. 

It was nothing my husband could say. It was nothing my preacher could say. It was nothing my best friend could say. 

Through tear filled eyes, I reached over and grabbed the Bible sitting beside the lamp in our living room. 

"Show me, Lord. Show me." I began to whisper over and over again as I gripped His Word. 

And as if my fingers had no control anymore, I began to flip to Jeremiah.

My eyes began to see, my mind began to read, my heart began to fill. 

"Cries of fear are heard - terror not peace."

"It will be a time of trouble ... but you will be saved out of it."

"Do not fear ... do not be dismayed."

"There is no one to plead your cause, no remedy for your sore, no healing for you. All your allies have forgotten you; they care nothing for you."

When I first hit the couch in pure defeat, I felt so alone. I felt as though no one understood me or even knew for that matter just how abandoned and isolated I felt. Now I knew there was One who did understand me. He saw my tears. He heard my cries.

"I will restore you to health and heal your wounds."

"I will restore the fortunes of Jacob's tents and have compassion on his dwellings."

"I will add to their numbers and they will not be decreased."

"I will come to give you rest ..."

"I will build you up again and you will be rebuilt."

He began to show me what my future would look like. 

"They will rejoice in the bounty of the Lord - the grain, the new wine, the oil."

"They will be like a well-watered garden, and they will sorrow no more."

"I will turn your mourning into gladness; I will give them comfort and joy instead of sorrow."

I stopped there though, thinking I had what I needed to pick up the pieces. And still I wept. My heart needed more. I needed something just for the Momma in me. 

And just as God saw Rachel weeping so many years ago and comforted her with these words, He saw me in my own mess and used these same words to calm me too.

"Restrain your voice from weeping and your eyes from tears, for your work will be rewarded."

There it was. Above all I had read, this was the yummy icing on the most delicious cake I had ever eaten. 

Mommas.

Our work will be rewarded.

The late night feedings.

The potty training.

The hours of school work we help with.

The sock folding.

The mundane task of sweeping and resweeping and sweeping again. In one day.

The thousands of diapers we change.

The disciplining.

The books we read over and over.

The tying of shoes.

The loading and unloading and loading and unloading of the dishwasher.

The thousands of bowls of cereal we make.

The mouths we wipe. 

The same toys we clean up over and over and over again.

The refereeing we do.

The vacuuming.

The prayers we pray for them.

The devotions we read to them.

Our work will be rewarded.

My work will be rewarded.

Your work will be rewarded.

So to my weeping Mommas, know your cries are heard, know you will be restored and your work will be rewarded.

When You Have To Give Them Back ...

There is something too special to describe about having our children dedicated.

 To some, this is taken lightly. And others may not even understand what a dedication is for. For Travis and I, we cherish these sweet mornings in which our children are dedicated. 

In our eyes, we are giving them back to the One who created them. 

We are giving Him the glory for blessing us, for trusting us, for allowing us to be their parent. We are asking God to guide us in guiding them and to help us in being the very best parent we can for them. We are asking for protection over their little lives. We are praying that they will seek His face and yearn after His Word. 

We are making it known that we trust God with their lives. 

We are proclaiming that we will raise them in His liking. 

Travis cried and I smiled. I love the way he loves her.

(Kruz is hiding) 

(Thank you MawMaw for this sweet dress and Bible for Khloe) 

This Bible is so precious and sweet. MawMaw found this and gave it to Khloe alongside her dress. This Bible was carried with her through her dedication and is meant to be carried with her as she goes down the aisle when she is married. I know, I know. I can't even go there. 

Khloe Ruth Nichols was dedicated back to the Lord on Sunday, December 7, 2014.

 Thank you Lord for this beautiful blessing. 

As Your Day ...

If you follow me on Facebook, you may or may not have seen lots of updates lately with the hashtag #jesuscalling at the end. 

If you don't have a devotion book you adore, get this one.

Jesus Calling is the sweetest, most tender devotion book I have ever read. Man or woman, Daddy or Momma, Grandmother, Teacher, Old or Young - this book is for us all. 

Today's devotion hit me hard and I wanted to share it with you. It read like this:

          "Do not let any set of circumstances intimidate you. The more challenging your day, the more of My Power I place at your disposal. You seem to think that I empower you equally each day, but this is not so. Your tendency upon awakening is to assess the difficulties ahead of you, measuring them against your average strength. This is an exercise in unreality. 

           I know what each of your days will contain, and I empower you accordingly. The degree to which I strengthen you on a given day is based mainly on two variables: the difficulty of your circumstances and your willingness to depend on Me for help.  Try to view challenging days as opportunities to receive more of My Power than usual. Look to Me for all that you need, and watch to see what I will do. As your day, so shall your strength be."

It is that last line that caught my attention. I almost didn't understand it at first. As your day, so shall your strength be. I read that one line over and over. It wasn't until I read in Deuteronomy 33 that I understood what this statement meant. The Bible reads, " Your sandals shall be iron and bronze; as your days, so shall your strength be. There is no one like the God of Jeshurun, who rides the heavens to help you, and in His excellency on the clouds. The eternal God is your refuge, and underneath are the everlasting arms ..."

We have a Father who knows our days ahead of us, who knows the battles we will face. He knows when we need a double dose of His strength, love and power. He knows. Isn't that great? Why in the world do we not lean on Him more? This morning I learned I am going to need Him more some days than others. And He is okay with that. He is already geared up and waiting with the extra umph I'm gonna need that day.

Tonight, Travis and I gathered up the kiddos (minus one who was with MawMaw at karate) and went for a bike ride around the neighborhood. Kruz insisted on riding his own bike, so instead of telling him not to (knowing he would tire out quickly) I rooted him on. I "strengthened" him with my words and for the beginning of the ride, that was all he needed.

Half way through the neighborhood, his little legs tired out and he was starting to lag behind. As he became more and more discouraged, I knew my words were no longer enough. The Hubs loaded up his bike and let him ride the rest of the way with Kohen and Khloe. We knew him well enough to know when he needed extra strength from us, an extra push, as our Heavenly Father does the same way with us. 

So that line. That one line. It means the world to me now. I am reassured that God gives me the exact amount of strength I need each day. 

All we have to do is ask. 

Life Has Been Life: Part Two ...

I can't believe I haven't talked to y'all in like two weeks. I am ashamed. In my defense though, I'm sticking with the same slogan as the last post:

Life has been life. 

It goes something like this: Life has been Kruz in a cast. Life has been football and karate. Life has been homeschooling. Life has been dreaming of cooler weather and craving fall. Life has been watching my summer garden die off and dreaming of a winter one. Life has been the husband taking Biology and Physics in the same semester. Life has been enduring some tough situations. Life has been all the little extra things that are too many to mention. 

We are coming up on the completion of week three with Kruz' cast and are staring down the next three weeks. I guess I'm he's doing okay with it all. Really y'all? Lets face it. I am the one needing to have eyes in the back of my head in order to watch him and quite frankly I'd like to have a little pity party for myself and just decide that the child isn't getting bathed for the next three weeks. Nope. Instead I'll suck it up and keep on a goin'. Kruz on the other hand runs around like a mad man and is not phased a bit. He was just doing flips on the couch today. Oh Kruz.

Kollin is getting ready to receive his next belt in karate. As he continues to move up, his forms are getting tougher and require more work at home. He's been practicing more here and is getting ready for his last stripe test before the next belt ceremony. If all goes as planned, he'll have a solid green belt by the end of this month. He's been practically begging to be a part of the Black Belt Club - Travis and I are waiting on a little more maturity at home before we sign up for such a commitment. Until then, Kollin is just as thrilled to be have the new all black uniform that only comes to solid green belts and higher. We're so proud of him! Kolt is our padded up kid who loves him some football. He has learned so much this year about the technicals of the game and I love to watch him play. He has so much heart out there. His team so far has won one and lost two. Winning or losing, I don't care - I just love to watch #8 tackle a kid twice his size with no hesitation. 

School so far is going pretty good. I'm still getting a true feel for how to set up our mornings. This past month or so has been one trial run after another. I'm learning what Kruz likes to participate in and what he could care less about, what subjects I can work with Kollin and Kolt on together and which ones I need to separate them for. Overall though, I'm happy with what we've accomplished so far. We're planning to explore a different continent each month and right now we're digging deep into Africa. 

I have been itchin', itchin', itchin' to make a new fall wreath and put out my pumpkin candles. I'm still waiting until October though and praying by then it's cooled off a little bit. I'm ready to cozy up on the couch with a fire and a good book. Okay, so maybe not a fire in October - but I can think happy thoughts, right?

Onto a greener note, our garden is pretty much a goner these days. We did get tons of zucchini, cucumbers, bell peppers, sweet peppers and had okra coming out of our ears (we still do actually). For the first go 'round at having a garden, I was pretty impressed. We still have a few late cucumbers coming in and I'll be snipping the last of our okra this week I think. I have the makings of a fall/winter garden in my mind, I just have to put those thoughts into motion - and I'm running out of time. 

Biology. Physics. One semester. Do I really need to elaborate? Lets just say the husband works, the husband goes to school and we cherish every bit of our time with him. 

Over the past week, I have watched the Devil use one of my kids as a playground. I am a firm believer that God is real - and so is Satan. As I have grown in my spiritual walk, I have watched the Devil entertain himself in my life more often than not here lately. I have withstood trials in my extended family and friendships over the past couple months. Recently though, Satan has put upon us a situation regarding one of my kiddos. Toy with me and my emotions, I can handle that. Mess with one of my kids and something strikes in my heart that I didn't even know could. Like the love you feel when you first hold your kid ... its a love you didn't even know you could feel. I have felt anger in my heart that I didn't even know existed and Satan has become more real to me now more than ever. I guess you could say when I saw Satan using one of my own as a means of attacking my spiritual walk, it gets real. Like the kind of real as in Satan has no filters and it's time to hunker down on praying for protection in this cruel world. Through God and only with God has my family been able to handle the situation gracefully. And to my close friends that lifted us up in prayer, thank you. Once again - Romans 8:28.

Life has been life. 

And no, no photos of my sweet, glorious children ... can I make another promise to get them in next time?

Life Has Been Life ...

Well hi.

 I feel like I've been a little MIA here lately. I'd like to just blame some it all on the fact that Kruz is in his second cast in less than two months. I'll have to admit the adjustment has been easier than last time since we really never had time to adjust back to life without the darn thing. I still have to watch him like a hawk, encourage him not to be a real boy these days and quite frankly - bath time stinks. A simple washing of the hair and body takes a good hour, includes a screaming toddler and in a nutshell - it's quite traumatic for all involved. Poor Kohen just sits in the tub staring at Kruz and I like we've lost our minds. 

I'm beginning to think I have. 

Other than that, we're truckin' along just doing our thing. 

Life has been just that lately. 

Life. 

Over the past week I've had to endure the loss of a friendship. And lets face it - that is never, ever a good time. I am a person who put so much emphasis on people that when I am let down, I am really, really, really let down. Since last Saturday, I've gone through anger to hurt to anger to confused, back to hurt and now it's all settling in. I am believing God's hands are on the situation and am praying over Romans 8:28 - 

"We know that in everything God works for the good of those who love him. They are the people he called, because that was his plan."

I guess on the up side of it all I clean when I'm upset. My living room, kitchen and downstairs bathroom got a nice ole' deep cleaning courtesy of my turmoil this past week. My dining room, office and laundry room are next on that list. 

We started school last week and I am happy to say we've had pretty smooth sailing. We've jumped into Reading, Writing and Math and Kollin and Kolt are doing great! I am so excited to be teaching Kolt to read. Watching Kollin learn to read was one of the most amazing journeys of my life. It is like opening door after door after door with them. Kolt is flying through his lessons and I am a beaming Momma. Next week we are adding in our Science and Geography too.

Are you sad there are no adorable pictures of my children or crazy ones of the everyday? I apologize. Coming up soon though are some pretty cute ones that involve Kolt and his football attire. Signing off ...

All New. Everyday ...

Last March when I first felt the Lord tug at my heart to homeschool my boys I just knew if it was going to be done, He would be the One to do it. 

Not me. Him. 

I began to look for encouragement all around me and I had one particular bible verse that pounced on my heart and never really left me throughout the year.

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and don't depend on your own understanding. Remember the Lord in all you do, and He will give you success."

Proverbs 3:5-6 (NCV)

I claimed this as my "theme" for Nichols Prep. On days when not one thing was crossed off my To-Do List, I recited this verse. On days when I didn't understand how I would explain a particular subject to my kids, I would recite this verse. On days when Kruz felt the need to make concoctions of lotion, baby powder and shampoo in my toilet, I would recite this verse. It dwelled in my heart and helped me through many, many days last year.

As this school year has quickly approached, I've been praying for God to show me another verse to hold dear to me for this year. I read so many wonderful ones, but nothing really gave me great peace ...

Until the other day. 

I came across this verse and I'm telling you, I could feel my heart smile. 

"The Lord's love never ends; his mercies never stop. They are new every morning; Lord, your loyalty is great."

Lamentations 3:22-23 (NCV)

So there it is. My theme for this school year. My prayer.

I know not every day will be smooth. I know not every day will have a To-Do List that is complete. I know not everyday will give me an allotted quiet time. But every day is new in Him. 

And that ... that blesses my soul. 

It's Not Too Much To Ask ... Is It?

Have you ever really sat back and asked yourself what you want for your kids? 
I mean, of course you want health and happiness. Go past that. What morals, values, priorities and traditions do you want them to carry?

I attended a funeral this past week for one of Travis' grandmothers. She was a sweet lady - nothing over 85 pounds, feisty as a chihuahua and would have given you anything you asked for, as long as she thought it was a good idea. Her sweet tea was terrible and she always put Kollin's diapers on backwards when he was a wee little one, then wondered why his little cheeks hung out of the bottom. She was so good to my husband and made up for some of the times his parents fell short. 

I stood next to my husband holding Kohen, watching this family be as awkward as ever. 

Sisters not recognizing one another. 

Bitterness.

One of his aunts asked him who he was.   

And I wondered to myself, when did this happen? If Grandma Bell could see them now, would she say "This is not what I wanted for my children."

It seems as though I do a lot of thinking during funeral services. Maybe because it's so quiet. Maybe because it's a reminder that life isn't forever. As I watched her children sit in the front rows, I wondered if this was what she wanted. I can only think she would have wanted more for her own; closeness, a sense of belonging. And I began to think about what I want for my own. My boys. 

I want my boys to become great men of God. I want them to stand firm on their beliefs and know that being a Christian isn't always easy. In fact, sometimes it's downright difficult. In a world where so many people rely on fleshly fulfillments, sometimes it's hard to remember the right place to run. I want them to believe in miracles, healing and blessings. Not luck. 

I want them to always respect their elders. 

I want them to honor women, now and later. Always. I am teaching them now to always ask me if I need help, carry grocery bags for me and open doors. It's important they know how to treat women with respect and in my opinion, that starts now with me. 

I want them to be quick to forgive. 

 

I want my children to always, always have a home to come to. For holidays and special occasions of course, but a place of refuge, a place without judgement. A home filled with love and laughter.

I want them to always live "right down the road".

I want my children to love others. As we prepare our children and our lives for adoption, we want our boys to know no difference in race or background. We have all been created by God, every one of us. And I want their hearts to reach out to those who may not know love from anyone else. 

I want my children to always see their parents in love. No matter our age, no matter the circumstance. I want our marriage to be an example for our boys and their wives. I want them to know that through the rough spots we still love each other, through the disappointments and through the heartaches. I want them to see us pray through problems together. 

I want them to always put their family first. So often around us families fall apart and give up on one another. I want them to always know we are on the Rock. I want them to always be close to each other, as brothers, as best friends. I want their children to grow up as best friends too.

 I mean c'mon. Is this too much to ask? 
I think not.

Nothing Creative ...

Well, hi there. 

It seems like it's been too long since I last sat behind this Mac to post. It's really only been a few days. Still, seems like too long.

I almost titled this post "Life Around Here" 'til I realized the last one was called that. Boo. Looks like I have to get creative up there.

My home has been a full of all emotions this week. 

So has my heart. 

We've had some extended family issues going on, who doesn't love that? They've left me with feelings of sadness, betrayal and a sweet reminder that I am only human. As much as I want to be a fixer, I've realized I can't fix everything. Bummer. It is emotionally gratifying though to have a supportive husband and most importantly a heavenly Father to release to. You know how it goes: a circumstance occurs, we try to fix it, get upset when we can't and then realize you've been given the perfect opportunity to actually walk the walk - to pray, give your struggles to God and then let it go. And that's just what I've done. Twice now. Guess the first time I gave it away, I did it with stipulations in mind. The second time though, it was for real. Out of my hands and in His. 

I'm currently planning a birthday party for three children. Yes, apparently Travis and I really can't get enough of each other in the month of October because our last three children have been born within a week of each other. No, this is not a joke. Kolt will be FIVE on July 9th, Kruz will be THREE on July 11th and Kohen will be ONE on July 13th. Talk about strife, try picking a theme that will satisfy three boys at three different ages. Well, this Momma picked Hot Wheels, race cars and all the likings. We keep it pretty low key around here for parties. I'm not that Momma to make pretty labels for food, crazy fancy banners or orchestrate 20 different games. We rent a water slide, blow up a few balloons, throw some snacks on a table with a Dollar Store tablecloth and call it a day. See, it all just got planned in about 10 minutes. Fact is, my boys don't need all the fancy-schmnacy stuff. They need family and friends. And a water slide. Maybe a few gifts, but nothing crazy. I'm happy with our easy parties. Leaves me more time to snuggle, play and read to my four little boogers. After all what are they going to remember, a fancy banner or giggles with Mommy? 

The wretched dog pin. 
It's been consuming the husband when he's not behind the wheel of a lawnmower or the screen of a computer. We have had so many dogs in our marriage, quite honestly we don't have very good luck with them. Through all that have come and gone though, we've had Country since our first Valentine's Day together. He was a beagle and was so loyal, sweet and smelly. The perfect dog. He left us back in December after 8 years. We've had Sofie now for almost three years. She is pretty awesome. Some friends of ours rescued her as a stray puppy from our church parking lot. 

This picture was taken right after we brought Sofie home.

And after much denial, I knew she belonged with us. Since Country left, she's been a bit lonely in our backyard. The boys keep her busy, but the whimpers at night time are killing me. We decided to get her a friend, Zeb is his name. Another set of friends from church have been looking for a home for him. I love when things work out, reminds me that even the little things are in His hands. The husband decided that a new pin would be needed before bringing Zeb home though. I love the outcome of things, but not the process of getting them. Know what I mean? The husband and I have been working our booties off to get this thing up this past weekend. Yea, I can put up a fence without even chipping my french manicure. I'm that good. Projects with the husband just give us an opportunity to test our teamwork skills, they're still just as good as day one. We're such a great team and I'm thankful for the times we're reminded of that. The fence is almost done. Yah. Hopefully by the next post you can see pics of Sofie and Zeb enjoying their Doggy Kingdom. 

That's all for now. 

P.S. Sorry about the not so creative title up there. You still love me, right?

Life Around Here ...

Well. Life around here ...

It's been a little, um, laid back you could say. 

Yea. I said it. Laid back. As in, we're having fun and not running around like crazy people. And no, I have not given away any of my children.

If my husband read those words up there, he'd probably laugh. Yea, so I guess I'm speaking for just myself and the kiddos. Between work and school, I don't know how he is breathing. I've been doing some serious praying for him ... for quiet time in his soul, for encouraging feelings of being an overcomer and for a time to know when to rest. We knew school was going to be hard. And this is nothing more than I had expected. I guess I'm just surprised that the roles have been reversed; I am the one always in shambles about all we have to do and he is the rational one. Not so much these days. I am rational, he is in shambles. Seems like in Travis' world if it's not one thing, then its another. And because of all this chaos, my heart aches for him and I want to take some of the pressure off. I can't though. And I know that. And in steps one of the many reasons for prayer.  

"So we do not lose heart. Though our outer self is wasting away, our inner self is being renewed day by day. For this light momentary affliction is preparing for us an eternal weight of glory beyond all comparison,  as we look not to the things that are seen but to the things that are unseen. For the things that are seen are transient, but the things that are unseen are eternal."

2 Corinthians 4:16-18  

Aside from the husband's craziness, me and the kids have been loving summer. Or the days of pool, as we like to call them. I've been enjoying doing school here and there, watching my garden grow, our pool, hanging with friends way more often than usual and listening to Kollin read his little heart out. 

I would say most of our informal learning these days have been outside. We've been working on making our backyard a place birds love to be. And so far, it's working. Just this morning, we found two little baby birds in their nest. You woulda thought my boys struck gold! I love seeing them get excited about learning, even if they don't know they are. We watched the babies sit there with their mouths wide open and heres me in the background, "This is a great example of animal instincts ..." See. School just happened. 

The boys and I have set out multiple bird feeders, suet feeders, hummingbird feeders, a bird bath and a couple homemade bird houses I think they love our pergula more for their nests though. We've also been enveloped by our first garden. And we are.loving.it. I am on pins and needle to get some grub out of that thing. 

Guess this is what Kruz thinks of garden work.

The pool has been nearly daily here lately. And in my book, there is nothing wrong with that. Kruz finally warmed up to the water and has become quite the little fish. My only problem is trying to keep floaties on him. I think he has a love-hate relationship with those things. He hates wearing them, but loves when they save his butt. Kollin and Kolt are loving having friends over so much. And our pool is always hoppin' with kiddos. The more, the merrier if you ask me. Their imagination is really starting to run wild and this Momma is loving it. Randomly they go from children to baby sharks to lifeguards to pirates. Let it run babies, let it run. 

Kollin reading is like music to my ears. And the very best part is that I was given the opportunity to watch him learn how. He's been reading all types of books, including his First Readers Bible. How awesome. My heart is simply filled with joy. 

So life. Yea. It's been pretty good around here. 

Too Close Isn't Close Enough ...

I am going through the change friends. 

Good Lord, no. Not menopause. I'm a little young for all that. Although, sometimes with the hot flashes and mood swings I wonder. 

I'm going through something radical in my life, something I wish would have happened years ago. I am truly maturing in my walk with God. 

And it.is.amazing. 

I'm sure you've read past blogs, the ones of uncertainty and doubt. There was one in particular, you can read it here, that I asked myself, "Am I ever going to get better at this?" 

Am I ever going to get better at parenting? Am I ever going to get better at being a wife to Travis? Am I ever going to get better at simply being a homemaker? 

Truth is, no I am not. I am only human. I am not perfect. I cannot do this thing called life on my own. 

It was like a swift kick in the tush. I am nowhere near where I should be with God and my walk with Him. Especially if I am having feelings of doubt and unhappiness. I needed more talks with God, more of making Him the center of my everything. I've started reading more, my Bible and devotionals. Desperate included. You can see my thoughts on the first half of the book here. I guess you could say I've been a working progress for the past month. In committing my days back to Him and giving over the worries of my haunting To-Do List, my life has been easier. My house has been cleaner. My kids have been more behaved. I have accomplished more than I ever intended to or imagined. My marriage has held more intimate moments, more laughing and more sharing. My friendships are growing deeper.

This past Wednesday I had to do something I don't like - teach. I hate having to talk in front of people, yes even in a laid back-chairs all in a circle-friends all there-kind of setting. My stomach aches and I fear not being spiritually prepared to give His word. I sat on the couch Wednesday afternoon surfing YouTube trying to find a good video to show, really just trying to get out of it all. Then I remembered. I remembered what my soul has been harvesting the last month, making Him the center. Lord knows I don't like to do it, but sometimes we're called to do things we don't like. I prayed for a blessing. A blessing of something to be laid on my heart to share with those in our small group at church. I knew I needed to share what I'd been going through myself. And I did. And it was great. We had great conversation and my prayer has been that each person in that room makes a commitment to grow closer and to draw nearer to God. 

As I taught that night, I felt like I was feeding my own soul. 

"Here’s another Message from God to the people of Judah and Jerusalem:
'Plow your unplowed fields, but then don’t plant weeds in the soil!'"

Jeremiah 4:3 (The Message)

Is my heart prepared? 

Have I rid my soul of the thorns? Of the bitterness? Of the hindrances in my life? Am I ready to let those things go? 

A month ago, I would have answered no. No, my heart was not prepared. I was still trying to run this show on my own. I was feeling alone and unheard. I was so overwhelmed with feelings of failure that I festered on them. I was not ready to focus on Him. 

It's a good thing the Lord waits on us. Over the past month, I have been preparing my heart. I have been committing my days. I have made Him my center. I have stopped looking to so many parenting books and instead am looking to Him. I have showed my children grace, as He shows me. I have been more patient and recognized more of Travis' attributes and quit nagging the petty things. My heart was so full of bitterness that there was nowhere for God to really dwell. 

"Sow righteousness, reap love. It’s time to till the ready earth, it’s time to dig in with God, until he arrives with righteousness ripe for harvest. But instead you plowed wicked ways, reaped a crop of evil and ate a salad of lies. You thought you could do it all on your own, flush with weapons and manpower."

Hosea 10:12 (The Message)

"...it's time to dig in with God..." 

How cool is that? I love that, plain and simple.

"So let God work his will in you. Yell a loud no to the Devil and watch him scamper. Say a quiet yes to God and he’ll be there in no time. Quit dabbling in sin. Purify your inner life. Quit playing the field. Hit bottom, and cry your eyes out. The fun and games are over. Get serious, really serious. Get down on your knees before the Master; it’s the only way you’ll get on your feet."

James 4:7-10 (The Message)

Wow. Do I really need to say more? These verses hit me hard. It never occurred to me that I needed to mourn over my past unsteady relationship with God. But I did. When I really thought about how weak my walk was, it saddened me. And shouldn't it? God does so much for myself and my family and I wasn't giving Him nearly what He deserved. I once read to let your joy be turned to heaviness for a season, that you might really give yourself unto seeking Him. How true. Mourning your weak walk with God is important. It's important to weep over your selfish behavior, ask for forgiveness, then seek Him like never before. God will not push Himself upon you, you have to be the one to open the doors first. You give the invitation and He will dwell there. Like never before. 

Are you ready?

Is your heart prepared?

Have you rid your soul of bitterness?

Are you ready to give up selfish habits and hindrances?

Mourn your weak walk with Him. 

Ask for forgiveness. 

Seek Him.