She's Here ...

She's here. 

And y'all, to say I am in love is such an understatement. 

I have a daughter. 

It's quite possible I say that to myself about 1,000 times a day. And everytime I say it, I smile. And I am reminded just how blessed I am. Every time I glance at that pink bottle on the counter or see the pink laundry, my heart skips a beat. 

I have a daughter. And she loves me already. And she is my Best Girl. And now - now I know what my Momma meant when she talked about that Mother/Daughter relationship and just how special it really is. 

Khloe Ruth decided to make her entrance last Tuesday, August 5th, at 11:41pm. 

I labored practically all day.

 And we were thrilled she made it here before midnight - our fifth kiddo came on the fifth of the month. Corny? Maybe. But we were excited about it. I won't go into the gooey details of her birth, but just know it took all day for me to dilate to 7cm (by all day I mean we checked into the Triage at 8:00am and it was 10:00pm when I reached 7cm, in which the midwife broke my water) and just an hour and 41 minutes to finish up the laboring and push her out. According to the husband, I pushed maybe three times. As soon as she came out, I couldn't help but shout, "Is she really a girl?" 

It is always a little chaotic at first. She's all purple-y and covered in yuck. As she laid on my chest for those first precious moments, I just stared at her and smiled. Can you tell I've been smiling a whole lot lately? Travis came over to me and together we were captured in that moment, in the realization that Kollin's many prayers for a Baby Sister and the desires, the yearnings in my heart had been heard and answered. 

The husband fell hard. 

She was weighed and measured (7 pounds 3 ounces, 19 inches), she was wrapped up and passed around between Travis, my Mom and our good friend Amber who asked to be in the room for her birth. My Mom left shortly after, Travis walked Amber out to her car and all that was left in the room was me and her. 

My daughter. 

I held her close, skin to skin. My heart was so captured in that moment that I don't even have the words to take you there, to last Tuesday night in that Labor and Delivery room. My mind raced through the years to come - the ponytails, the manicures and pedicures, the slumber parties, the princess movies we will watch together, the girly giggles, the pink. 

It was in that moment I decided her name was going to be Khloe.

Welcome to the world,

Khloe Ruth Nichols.

Thirty Five Weeks, Four Days ...

We got to see you again this morning Little Love! And can I just say you have your Daddy's lips for sure and some chunky cheeks. Seeing you is like a breath of fresh air and it just makes this Mommy that much more eager to meet you!

You are measuring right at 35 weeks, which is great news. Mommy has upped her calorie intake (all for you, of course) and so I think this made you gain a little more weight. Hence, the chubbiness in your cheeks maybe ...

Mrs. Lisa said she saw some hair on your little noggin in the ultrasounds! I hope you come out with a full head of hair, I am so ready to clip some bows on you! And if there's not enough, I have plenty of headbands ready to go!

We found out today that Mommy is dilated to a 2. And although you have no clue what that means - one day you will appreciate numbers in this way as much as I do. I'm drinking this tea called Red Raspberry Leaf and taking Evening Primrose Oil, getting all ready to get you here safe and sound. 

You look so much like your brother Kruz in these pictures! All of your brothers are just waiting to meet you, maybe not Kohen as much, but that's okay. I'm sure he'll come around, eventually ... 

Well Baby Girl, we wait. We wait until the Good Lord says it's time for you to make your grand entrance and join this world. Until then, keep fattening up those cheeks in there so I can smooch 'em!

Mommy Loves You!

A Week In Words - 03/10 ...

Life This Week - 

The Hubs was on Spring Break this week and when you say "break" I immediately ask myself what we can get done together. None of my plans came through since landscaping came back in full force this week. Break? What break? 

There is no other way to put it other than we were packed this week with activities and we had some curveballs thrown at us too.

 Our church held revival this week from Sunday morning to Wednesday night and I was able to make it to 4/5 of the services with the boys. Talk about being filled to the measure and ready to conquer the world ... The Shepherd Family hosted our church with fabulous music, moving testimonies and some good 'ole fashion preaching. Although revival is tough because I get the boys in bed much later than normal, it is so worth it to me. Wednesday night as Kollin prayed at the altar on his own, he looked up with a tear streaked face. I know he felt something special - even at his age, the Lord will speak. That makes it more than worth it to me. 

Monday night I had Book Club (one of my favorite nights of the month) so the boys were able to spend some time with my Dad. They all got dirty, stinky and gross like 5 bachelors should. This smart Momma packed a bag full of pajamas and my Dad got the hint to get all of them bathed before I got back. It was nice to walk in the door, only having to brush their teeth and put them to bed. 

Any "downtime" we had was spent outside soaking up the sun. Some days were windy and a little chilly, but nothing a hoodie couldn't help.

You can read my last post to see the events from Thursday. Let's just say there is yet another broken bone involved. 

Friday I was up super early and headed to Children's Healthcare of Atlanta to be with a close friend of mine Nicole, where her 4 year old son Gabe underwent his third open heart surgery. There is no short way to tell you the events of the day, but I can send you to Nicole's blog where she is updating daily and you can catch up on and follow Gabe's journey. I was so honored to be with their family yesterday and to see Gabe right before and following his surgery. There is something about Gabe that caught my heart from the first time I met him, he is such a special kid and a trooper! When I left the hospital last night, I walked away from his bed knowing his oxygen levels were higher than they've ever been and his lips are no longer blue. God is so amazing and I am thankful to have been a tiny part of Gabe's journey through all of this. 

(A few old goodies of Gabe and Kruz taken about a year ago)

I hit 19 weeks this Friday! The biggest news this week with Miss Khloe is that my favorite lounging jeans took the plunge, I moved up a size in leggings (scored some new ones at Target for $5), I was able to actually enjoy a Starbucks for the first time in months and I can feel her movements now on the outside of my tummy. I can't wait for the boys to get to feel her move! 

School This Week - 

We decided to take our Spring Break this week since Travis was home more than usual. It's so much harder to keep the house and kiddos running on our usual schedule when Daddy is home. I think we all enjoyed the small break even though life got pretty hectic this week.

Outings - 

Tuesday was Family Day since Friday (our normal day for Family Day) we knew I'd be with The Pope's for Gabe's surgery. We headed to Norcross for an early morning errand and ended up spending the day there. Great food and a couple great new parks on a gorgeous day was enough to keep our clan happy! 

Conversation of the Week - 

Kollin: (with his face up to my belly talking to Khloe) Hi there Khloe Ruth. This is Bu ... Oh my gosh Mommy I feel her head!!

Me: No Goober! That's my hip!

Kollin: Are you sure? Cause it's ginormous and big like a head!

Me: Well, thanks ...

Favorite Snap - 

My First Letter To My First Daughter ...

Hi there Little Lady. 

This letter has been in my heart for quite some time now, the first words I would say to my daughter, if I ever had one. I do now. I have a daughter and that still catches my breath daily. Those words, I have a daughter, still make me smile so big my cheeks will start to hurt. Those words make me dream some of the biggest dreams I've ever had. Those words fill me with an unspeakable joy. 

When I first found out we were expecting number five, I had a feeling you were a little girl. Of course, I kept those feelings and hopes often suffocated. Having a daughter has seemed so out of reach for me and I just didn't want to put myself "there", in that place of "just maybe this time". From 5 weeks to 14 weeks, I thought I was dying most days and knew this pregnancy was nothing like any of the others and pretty much had myself convinced I was having twins. I survived on grilled cheeses and Ben and Jerry's. Point is, I just knew something was different. 

During the 13th week, I made an appointment just to find out if you were a boy or a girl. My plan was to go alone. Your oldest brother Kollin wanted you to be a sister so bad. I could just see him saying, "But I don't want another brother. I wanted a baby sister!" In fear of the entire office hearing him say that, we decided I would go to the appointment and Daddy would keep your brothers with him. And to be so completely honest, I would have rather heard the words, "It's another boy" by myself. Forty five minutes before the appointment, I called your YahYah and confessed where I was going. Before I knew it, there I was in a room with your profile on the screen surrounded by your Daddy, four brothers, your YahYah and your MawMaw. 

I will never, ever forget when I saw your heart pumping on the screen for the first time. And I saw your face, your lips and little nose. I immediately thought to myself how petite you seemed compared to all of your brothers. After what seemed like forever, the technician said the words, "Yep. Yep, that's a girl. I see no boy parts at all." I looked over at your Daddy, who was leaning in the corner of the room with a look of shock over his face. Pure shock, pure love, pure fear. Kollin started to tear up and he looked up at me with a face I will never forget. Your YahYah and MawMaw were hugging, crying and doing a victory dance. It was a sight for sure and in that moment I thanked God that we all ended up there together to meet you for the first time.

We celebrated with Mexican and shopping. Your YahYah picked out your first few outfits and I stood there in Kohls repeating over and over in my heart, "I'm having a daughter, I'm having a daughter". To be honest though, I still felt so unsure. I knew it was pretty early to find out the gender and here I was going off one person's opinion. I know your Daddy was waiting for his true celebration, waiting till we had another ultrasound. 

We confirmed with another ultrasound at 16 weeks and when our friend and regular ultrasound technician said you were a girl ... well, I think that was when I really allowed myself to celebrate deep in my soul. Later that night, I was in the car alone to pick up pizza for dinner and it hit me. Like really hit me. 

Lord willin', I will get to smother you in kisses and bows, nurse you and watch you grow from new baby to toddlerhood. I will get to dress you up on Easter in a super frilly dress and then watch you get it dirty with your four big brothers. I will get to see your face light up at the Bibbidi Bobbidi Boutique when you become a Princess for the day. I will get to tell you just how smart, beautiful and wonderful you really are. I will watch you fall in love and I will have the privilege of watching your Daddy walk you down the aisle.  I will watch you birth your children and know the feeling your YahYah has felt over and over. I will be the one you call when your baby runs a fever or has a rash or when you are just at your wits end. I will get to treat you to a pedicure when I know you need a break from those kiddos. I will have someone to give the ring your MawMaw gave me when I was eighteen. I will know the love a Mother has for her Daughter. I will have you.

I have only seen you on a screen twice and yet I love you as though I have known you my entire life. We've named you Khloe Ruth and know this name will suit you perfectly. I'm counting down the days until your arrival and at the same time cherishing every day I know you are growing within me. Me and you, you and me - you are going to be my best girl. I love you Khloe Ruth.

Love, Mommy

A Week In Words - 03/03 ...

Life This Week -

Hmm, life this week? Well, I started Project Clean-Out-The-Entire-Kitchen the week before this last one. This is the second time I've done it (one being without child and one being with) and I'm not really sure what triggers this craziness in me. Over the course of about 4 days, some this past week and some the week before, I have cleaned out and organized all of our cabinets, cleaned off the top of the refrigerator (which seems to be our dumping ground, is that a weird spot?), cleaned out the refrigerator and pantry and cleaned the microwave, stove and sink. I finished this project up Monday and Tuesday I tackled the dining room. Sweet, fresh flowers from the side of the road sit on the table and make me smile each time I pass through. 

Note: Never, ever, ever set the oven to clean itself while pregnant. The smell caused me to be locked in my closet in a fetal position with my face buried under blankets. It.was.awful. Travis came home to find me asleep in there. I'm sure he thought I had gone batty. No worries though, I explained myself. 

Kollin was able to spend some one on one time with Travis Wednesday morning, which is rare and wonderful. And Kruz grabbed some on Friday too. Looks like Kolt is next in line because I got mine Friday night. We slipped in a last minute Date Night, which I swear fills my soul to the brim. I love that some japanese and a walk through Home Depot are all it takes to satisfy us. 

I hit 18 weeks on Friday and am rejoicing that I am just 2 weeks away from being half way there. Carrying a girl has been oh.so.different. I finally feel like my weight has evened out, I think it was partially the 6 pounds I lost from that stomach bug. This week has been the first I have really felt some energy and I (and the boys) are so thankful for that!

School This Week - 

Kollin and Kolt are doing so well in school right now and I am really enjoying our homeschool days here lately. 

Kollin is working through ten spelling words a week and Kolt is working through five words a week. A friend of mine came across a site, Home Spelling Words, that we are now using. Monday, Tuesday and Thursday they are simply copying the words in their notebooks and Wednesdays they are asked to create sentences with each word. Fridays are 'Test Day'. 

Science has been wonderful since we started Science4Us.com. I recently wrote a review about this site, if you want to check it out. Kollin and Kolt love it and Kruz likes to sit through their separate sessions with them. This week they learned about Materials, what's Earth-made and what's Man-made. 

In math, Kollin and Kolt are both on a first grade level. We switched from Math U See to Math Mammoth in January and to say I love MM would be an understatement. This week we finished up the Addition and Subtraction portion. The boys are thriving with this curriculum and I am so happy we made the switch!

Kruz is still working through his little books I pick up from the Dollar Store, he thinks he is something having 'school' like Kollin and Kolt. He is also working on a letter a week and writing his name. This week he somehow snagged some computer time and played Team Umi Zoomi for Lord knows how long. 

Kollin started reading to me every night this week and I am loving this time with him. Right now, he's reading Summer of the Sea Serpent. This kid impresses me with his reading skills, makes my heart swell!

Outings - 

We had a play date this week, I love those! The boys have so much playing with kiddos other their own kin and me and my friend get to chat, vent, share secrets and just let it all hang out. Getting out of the house once a week is a nice breather. 

Conversation of the Week - 

Kruz: When is Baby Sister going to be here?

Me: Not until after you turn four, so we got a few more months to go. 

Kruz: Is her name just ... Baby Sister?

Me: No, her name is going to be Khloe. 

Kruz: Oh. (thinking) I think I like Baby Sister better. 

Me: Well, okay then. You gonna be my big helper when she gets here?

Kruz: Oh yea, I'm gonna teach her alllll about life. 

Me: Really. What's life all about?

Kruz: Like how awesome orange balloons are and if you poke them they'll pop in your face. And I'm gonna whoop her butt if she's mean to you Mommy. And I'm gonna teach how to eat broccoli and carrots too. 

Favorite Snap - 

The Funkiest of the Funks ...

If you read any of my posts during my first trimester, you know it was a tad rough. Okay, more than a tad. It was catastrophic some days and me getting up to pee was my one and only activity.

 It seems as though those ten weeks slumped me down into a funk. A deep one. One that it was three days at some point before I realized, hey maybe I should take a shower. Don't judge me. I kept my teeth brushed. Most days anyway. My diet consisted of cheese and ice cream and outings were unheard of. My small window of time I had for my Good Lord and my devotion became a time to slide under the covers a little longer and just pray I didn't barf that day. My children were surviving on cereal and Pizza Hut. Not to mention their longing for "just some clean socks" (words from Kollin). In the words of my mother, I'd become a hermit. 

That was December and January. It's March now people and I finally feel like slowly, but surely, I am pulling myself out of this funk.

I started getting up much earlier than usual, whether the boys are up or not. And showering first thing every morning. And putting on fresh clothes. Clothes, not pajama pants and a t-shirt. 

We moved school from the couch back to the kitchen table or school room, depending on the activities for the day. I feel like we are finally getting back onto a good schedule, which makes me feel like I've conquered the world - or at least homeschooling. 

I started the chore planner, Motivated Moms. I recently wrote a review for them if you want to check it out. Having a sensible list that works that I can check off each and everyday has been blissful. It's been keeping me on task and has pushed me to do some real Spring cleaning. A cleaned out pantry, fridge and cabinets can be seriously liberating. 

I started dating my husband again. It seems like all we've had time for each night we can get away is just dinner. And that just dinner is so incredibly good for my soul. Seeing him, talking to him - bliss. It's so, so, so nice.  

I brought reading back into my life! Reading is such a great way for me to escape and for a couple months there, I had dropped the books and was watching way too much TV. I am no "TV is the devil" kind of person, but I was sucked into Switched At Birth, Sister Wives, Parenthood, Friday Night Lights, Clean House and even Teen Mom. Oh Lord, I can't believe I just admitted that. Teen Mom? I pretty much forced myself to quit turning on the TV so much and to pick up my Kindle more. I just finished up our Book Club pick this month, Orphan Train. It feels great to be reading again. 

I started hanging out with my friends again. No longer a hermit! I guess my first real outing with a group was to Noah's Ark a couple weeks ago. Hence all the random pictures in this post. I even texted my friend afterward and mentioned how rejuvenating it was to be out and laughing and talking about Mommy moments. And to get some sunshine in my life. 

I started talking again to my Good Lord every morning. Travis got me this great Homeschool Moms Bible for Christmas and the devotions are wonderful! And fit my life just perfect most mornings. I'm rebuilding this deep connection again with Him and this relationship that pretty much makes or breaks my roles as a Wife, Mother, Daughter, Sister and Friend.  For so long I desired Him, His Presence, His Comfort and His Guidance. I sort of lost sight of that. And now I'm heading back there. Back to strengthening that relationship, that communication. 

I kicked my horrible Coke addiction and replaced those with water and a Spark from Advocare every day. Talk about rejuvenation. I feel so much better and so much more energized!

I'm getting there. A little at a time. And it feels good to not just be normal again, but to be working on a better Me. 

P.S. Yep - I had an extra kid that day. This is Kollin's longtime pal, Landen.

My Six Valentines ...

I had six Valentine's this year.

Six lives to celebrate just how much I really, really love them.

Six people I love so much, sometimes my heart aches from it. 

One of these six people I've only seen on a screen and already love her with every fiber of my being. I think about her and just smile. Smile so big, my cheeks will start to hurt.

Four of them are the most rambunctious, full of life, stubborn, smart, beautiful little boys I have ever known. I think to myself how blessed I am that I was picked for them. To love them, to teach them, to mold them, to kiss them, to brush their teeth, to learn something knew about each of them everyday. Me. That is all for me. And that is overwhelming.

One of these six I have nearly spent more of my life with than without. I think to myself about life without him and I cringe. He is such a part of me that I wonder if I could ever live without him. I am blessed to parent with him, laugh with him, squabble with him and pretty much figure out this thing called life with him. I often laugh about all of those who said we'd never make it. As politely as I can say, in yo face!

Yea. So it was a week ago. So what? I can still get all mushy a week later, right? 

Truth is - we're not big Valentine's Day people. I'm not the Momma to spend money on candy, stuffed animals and more junk stuff. As far as I'm concerned, that's what The Grands are for. Right Momma? I am the Momma to find more excuses that day to plant kisses on them more and tell them how much I love them over and over and over. 

Our Valentine's Day consisted of Olive Garden for lunch and the hubs and I surprised the boys with a trip to see Walking With Dinos at the dollar theater in a town close to us. I'm telling you - $5.00 for all of us? I'm a sucker for a cheap afternoon of fun and I have to admit, I've pretty much boycotted going to a regular theater. We had lots of fun as usual when we get away from schoolwork, tests, laundry and everyday life. Days like that, I thrive for.

So if you're wondering what I was treated with on Valentine's Day, here you go. Travis came home with a good ole' game of Hangman Thursday night after work. Here was my answer: pure bliss once a month for the next six months. 

And for fun this year, I actually made something for my Momma and MawMaw. Each of these ladies do so much for my family and I wanted a little way to show them just how much we love them. 

The Little Momma That Could ...

Have you ever read that book The Little Engine That Could? That's about how I am right now.

 I just keep repeating, "I think I can. I think I can. I think I can." 

...

So this is me - I get this little, teensy bit of energy back last week and what do I do? Totally overdo it. I feel this small bit of energy and think I am SuperMom or something. I take all the boys grocery shopping, hit up LegoLand for a whole day, go to  a wedding shower and host a Station 7 Reunion at my house - all in three days. 

And so, what happens? I hit rock bottom again and feel like poo, depleted and in need to sleep for days and days. 

Pretty much, I am forcing myself to rest right now. Forcing myself to let the laundry be undone, dishes to remain in the sink and letting my kids eat cereal for dinner. After all, I am making a human right now. And this human or humans apparently require lots and lots  of this Momma's energy. I have to remind myself of that minute by minute.

This human making process has been very different than all the rest and I am still sticking to the thoughts of me making two humans right now. I will be completely shocked if there is only one little peanut growing in there when we go for our ultrasound in a couple weeks. I know - all pregnancies are different and I expect that. There is just something about this one though that is just extra ... weird I guess. Amongst other differences this go 'round, I have had major hip and lower back pain. It is worse some days than others and the last couple days, it has been so bad I can hardly stand to be up and about. My sweet Momma brought me a heating pad last night and that has been helping tons. In order to be on a heating pad though, I have to be sitting or laying. And for me, that is so tough. When I say I am forcing myself to let the house just be and rest, I literally mean it is killing me. I do for my boys. That is just what I do. I am a full time Momma with a full time student/working husband - in other words, I. do. not. stop. And now, I have to. And well, it. is. killing. me. 

On the total up side of this human making deal, I have started feeling the peanut(s) move a lot lately. I am telling you, there is nothing like feeling those flutters. I can't wait until the boys and the husband can feel the little one(s) move around in there. 

And it's a good thing Kohen is here with me. He reminds me everyday of what will come of this tough time right now. A sweet, precious baby. I have had so many people ask what in the world the husband and I are thinking: expanding our family while he is in school, while his jobs are all crazy right now. And well, we don't see more babies as added stress or just another responsibility. We see them as new joy, a new one to hold and cuddle. Babies actually lessen my stress levels. I know, I'm crazy. There is just something about bringing home a new baby that brings peace and comfort to my heart. We are so excited to be expanding our family with two (or four) more feet. Even if our lives are a little out-of-sorts right now. 

And I must say that if it weren't for my Momma, MawMaw and PawPaw here lately, I don't know how crazy I'd be. Between the three of them, I have been brought dinners, lunches, had the boys bathed and put to bed, been encouraged with prayers and sweet, exciting words, have been brought pacis because Kohen's went missing at bedtime, have had busted pipes fixed, have had laundry folded for me and I am sure there is more to add. So I say thank you to these three. You guys remind me everyday how blessed our family is.

Until next time week - I will keep resting, schooling the boys from my bed, watching Sister Wives and eating Ben and Jerry's daily. 

I will go fold some socks though. Poor Kollin ... earlier he said, "Mommy. I know you don't feel good right now. But Lord, could I please just get some socks in my drawer?"

Come Back Energy, I Miss You ...

I'm still kicking over here folks. I have ventured out more in the past 5 days than I have in 5 weeks. I actually went to get a manicure, we went over to a friend's house for dinner this past weekend and I went to Book Club Monday. That is the most I have been in public. I don't know, it made me feel sort of normal. 

I felt like crap all day Monday and even at Book Club that night I was about as interesting as a bump on a log. I woke up Tuesday morning feeling not nauseous. Yea, you read that right. I felt not nauseous. Still exhausted with no energy whatsoever, but not nauseous. I was able to eat what the boys ate and I actually used the oven to cook. It's the little things in life ...

On another note, the husband started school back this week. Believe it or not, I'm already counting down the weeks until Spring Break in March. He's taking on Chemistry (with it's lab), Biology II (with it's lab), Economics and Criminal Justice. Six classes total, bring it on!

So yea, I'm not that exciting right now. Hopefully, my energy will reside soon and I will be typing more posts. Until then, we are still doing school couchside and I am remaining in my pajamas all day. Unless I venture out into public again that is ...

Cheese and Ice Cream ...

Is it awful to tell you I am literally forcing myself to sit here and type this post? I mean I love you guys and all, but when I say Baby Nichols #5 does not like me - I mean I have been bloated, nauseous, starving but nothing sounds appetizing, utterly exhausted with some excruciating hip pain added in the mix.  

Hi Mommy. Welcome to your first trimester.  

My Momma told me the other day I was becoming a hermit. Eeeek. A hermit. That just sounds awful. But truth is, I have. Most days I find myself just doing good to feed my children and get to the couch. 

Lets just be honest. For me, first trimesters are horrible. 

My poor children have been troopers through it all and haven't complained the first time about Mommy not cooking dinner in 3 weeks. The boys have been surviving on PBJs, frozen pizzas and cereal for dinner. Breakfast is probably our healthiest meal of the day - we've been making yogurt parfaits with vanilla yogurt, granola and blueberries nearly every morning. I guess I'm using that to make me feel better about our awful dinners. 

And my diet? Cheese. I eat a grilled cheese every.single.night for dinner. It's all I want. Cheese! And ice cream. But never together though of course.

The boys and I have been getting school done on the couch everyday. It takes us a little bit longer because I am working with Kollin and Kolt separately. Most importantly though, it's getting done.It may not be ideal, but they're learning and I'm happy to be spending some one on one time with them. Kruz has started doing a letter a week and he is loving having his own school to do.

I'm surviving people and counting down the weeks until this trimester is over. I'll be 10 weeks this Friday, so it's right around the bend. I'm praying for some energy to come and a normal appetite. And I'm pretty sure my husband is too.