Monday, May 5, 2014

Down With The Big One, Up With The Small One ...

Let's rewind a little bit. 

I always knew I wanted to be a stay at home Momma. My Momma was one and I wanted nothing less for my own. When Kollin was born in November 2006, I soaked it up. All day, everyday I would hold him, feed him, change him, watch him sleep, play with him, repeat. And as he got a little older, after all the chaos of having a newborn started to settle down, I started to get bored being home all day with a little person. In December of that year I was gifted my first "real" camera for Christmas by my husband. I have always loved photography, a love I inherited from my Daddy - this new camera was the perfect gift! I can remember taking Kollin outside and taking pictures of him all day. I would hang up sheets as backgrounds and take more pictures of Kollin. And eventually, I was calling friends to model for me. 

And in May 2007, my business was born. 

Some of my first work.

For many years, Kelsey Nichols Photography was an outlet for me. A way for me to "get out" of the house, a way to define myself other than "Mommy", a way to express myself, something to have for just me.

My business grew. 

And grew.

And grew.

And before I knew it, I was a Momma of four who was barely breathing from being a Professional Photographer. I was needing babysitters left and right, the few days I could see Travis I was off shooting sessions and I was peeling my eyes back until 5am editing. 

Sometime in 2012, I really began to struggle. I began to ask myself, "Why is this becoming so hard?" Something I love so much was essentially stressing me out, which in turn was becoming such a hinderance to my family. I wrote this post back in October 2012 and I believe if I tried really, really, really hard to explain it any better, I'd fail. But even after this post was written, I still continued with my business, still continued booking session after session and wedding after wedding.

I prayed.
I got my answer.
And I didn't listen. 

I knew what God wanted for me, what God had called me to do. It wasn't until the beginning of this year that I finally took heart to what He wanted for me. 

He wants me to be a wife to a man who works 2 jobs and is a full time student. He wants me to be a Mommy. He wants me to be their teacher. 

He wants me to give my all to them. 

And as of a few months ago, I've become okay with it. I'm okay with only being a Mommy and Wife. 

I sold all of my equipment last week. 

And I'm not going to lie. I cried a little. It was hard to let go of something that has been such a big part of my life for so long. 

That camera has brought me so much joy. 

With that camera I have captured so much more than just pictures.
 I have captured a Daddy's tears as he gave his little girl away, I have captured a baby being brought into this world, I have watched children go from being in their Momma's womb to celebrating their first birthdays, I have been peed on and pooped on too many times to count, I have even been puked on, I have laughed until I've cried and I've made some great friends along the way. 

Am I going to miss it? Of course I am. But I know where one door closes, another one opens. And I am ready to see what is in store for my family.

My new Mommy camera came last Thursday.

 I purchased the Sony Nex 7. And quite frankly, it's practically perfect and exactly what I needed wanted. It is so ultra light, convenient and so easy to just snap a picture of one of the boys. I can throw it in my purse and go.

I am dedicating all of me to all of them for the first time ever

And a bonus for you?

You'll probably hear from me much more often.

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