My 100th Post ...

I can't believe I just typed that up there ... my 100th blog entry. Heck, it probably should have happened a while back since I started this thing nearly 2 years ago. Regardless, I did it and I am so proud of myself. 

May this post only bring more and more and more entries after it ... 

Okay. Onto a more 'blog-ish' note ...

These past few days have been weird. Vague, I know. But they have been. 

As I was wrapping up my Thursday night early into Friday morning, I happened upon a Facebook status of a distant friend from school who posted about her fiance being in a car wreck earlier Thursday evening. She posted specifics and quite honestly, it was bad. Really, really bad. Her fiance had just come a couple weeks ago and pressure washed my house in exchange for me to take pictures of their exchanging of their wedding vows ... their wedding vows. 

I prayed before I fell asleep and I swear I woke up praying in my heart and spirit Saturday morning. I jumped online to find out he had made it through the night. I gave praise to God for pulling him through and I began getting in touch with all the prayer warriors I know, I called my Pastor. Then I called my Momma ... and I lost it. My heart flooded with how much hurt my friend was going through. And their children. How would she tell them? I cried to my Momma, my heart literally ached for her. 

Friday was an unusual day. My three oldest were spending the day with my Dad and Travis was working, so it was only me and my littlest munchkin.

 My house was a wreck and I had so much work to do and instead I chose to go have lunch with my Momma. No matter how old I get, some days I just need my Momma. Heck, sometimes I still climb up in her lap and let her rock me. Yea, I do that. 

Lunch was wonderful and just what I needed. We talked about things I can't post about ... you know that has to be juicy. Kohen enjoyed having his YahYah all to himself. And because he gave her so much lovin', she fed him way too much sweet potato souffle. And I was totally okay with it. 

The rest of my Friday consisted of spending way too much time in Ross, turning in a 'last minute' set of 'last minute' paperwork for the husband's admission at CSU, getting an awesome decal for the new van, Kollin's baseball game and finding out my friend's husband passed away Friday afternoon. Bittersweet.

This is my niece Macey. Her wonderful Mommy made me our decal. Thanks Am!

Saturday was a rush. I mean, the entire day was one big blur. We had Kolt's last spring football game at 11:30, Kollin's baseball game at 3:00, a graduation party for my cousin Hannah at 4:00 and a couple's shower for my sister-in-law and her soon to be hubby in Marietta. Seriously, a blur. 

 What Kolt does at baseball: play cars.

Real PawPaws push strollers :)

Sunday morning brought cheer to the gloominess I'd had in my heart, I love our church and family there. Worshipping is a stress reliever for me and I love hearing what our Pastor has been given by God to give to us. We spent that afternoon eating Mexican with my MawMaw and PawPaw, running into Target and Home Depot amidst the flood of rain and I edited away the rest of it. We spent that night at church ...

Geez, I hope I'm not boring you. I just realized none of this is very witty. Oh well. 

It is what it is. 

(I love that saying. So true.)

Our Drama Team performed during our evening service and they just plain amaze me. I always get so emotional watching our teens proclaim their love for Christ by performing these acts to different songs. And I always picture Kollin up there in the blink of an eye.

***

In the midst of all the activities we have going on, I have had this lingering question in the back of my mind. 

Am I ever going to get better at this? 

Call it the Devil talking in my ear and in my spirit, call it self-pity, call it me being just plain dumb, call it what you will. In the last few weeks, I have felt like such a failure. A failure at Mommyhood, a failure as a wife, a failure as a daughter, a failure as a business owner. I'm not sure if life spiraled out of control when Travis had his surgery or when we tackled three sports all at once. But it has. And my house is never clean (at least not every room at the same time), we're always late to something, my laundry is always piled to the ceiling, our homeschooling has taken a hit, I have sessions coming out of my ears waiting to get edited and I want to get my ghostly-looking legs tan. At the end of the day, I am exhausted and feel defeated because I am still staring at an endless To-Do List. I am not one to share my feelings often, at least not in person (so please, no one confront me in WalMart about my insecurities), but Sunday night I was forced to just let it all out to Travis. Yea, I had one of those ugly cries like Farrah on Teen Mom. During my melt down I was sweetly reminded that not only is Travis my husband, but he is my best friend, my rock and the one that God gave me to help me during dark times. Travis never ceases to amaze me in thinking I am not crazy. He gets me. And that is tough to do. 

After hours of conversing in the closet (don't ask) and many "No hunny, you're not crazy"s - I think we have a plan to tackle what we need to for me to regain my sanity. And that plan does not include starting any projects that include loud noises, nails, screws, wood ... heck, really it doesn't include anything from the garage or Ikea. 

Other than our ginormous garbage can. 

It includes goal setting, planning, practicing the word 'no' and more days set aside for me to work. 

Here is the scripture I will be reciting and proclaiming this week. I will not allow the Devil to have a grip on me ...

Therefore each of you must put off falsehood and speak truthfully to your neighbor, for we are all members of one body. “In your anger do not sin” : Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry, and do not give the devil a foothold. Anyone who has been stealing must steal no longer, but must work, doing something useful with their own hands, that they may have something to share with those in need.

Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen. And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, with whom you were sealed for the day of redemption.Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.

Epehsians 4:25-32

Please continue to pray for my friend and her family.  

Thanks to my readers who have kept posting comments, clicking that 'Like' button and showing me so much encouragement for my blog. I love writing, it is such an outlet and stress reliever for me. I've started a Facebook page for August Twelfth here to help everyone keep up with my entires ... hope y'all enjoy it! 

Thank you for listening ...

Dancing Under the Stars ...

We were dancing under the stars. 

So romantic, right?

This is how my dancing under the stars went the other night ...

We got home late after practice (surprise, surprise). I started unloading the brood and Travis walked up the driveway to check the mail. The kids headed in for showers and I walked back out to the car for something. It was a clear night, the stars were so bright. I thought, hmm - perfect opportunity to have a dance with the husband. So I asked him to dance with me. 

I laid my head on his chest and closed my eyes. It was quiet for a few seconds ... 

Me: How's your shoulder feel? Have you been able to poop since you've been taking that medicine again?

Hubs: Fine, I guess. I mean I started taking those stool softeners a couple days before the surgery. 

Me: Oh good. That was smart. 

A few more seconds of silence.

Hubs: How'd Kruz do today? Peeing and pooping?

Me: Great! No accidents. 

A few more seconds of silence.

Hubs: How's your boob feel? I know you said you thought you were getting that mastitis again ...

Me: Feels fine. Must've just slept wrong. 

A very brief moment of silence.

Me: Do you realize we're out here dancing under the stars and all we've talked about is boobs, pooping and peeing?

Then we both just bursted into laughter.

 I love that God chose him for me to do this journey with. I couldn't imagine it any other way. And yes, with me nursing our fourth kid and having all boys and one of them being two, our life does go hand in hand with boobs, pooping and peeing. It is what it is. And I am glad we can laugh about it. Although, we seriously need to work on the logistics of being romantic .... 

It Happened.

In all my years of parenting, it's never happened. 

I'm saying this like I've been parenting for 16 years or something. 

But seriously. In all my years of parenting, it's never happened. 

Until last Saturday. 

I lost one of my kids. 

And it was one of the most horrifying, gut wrenching, make-you-want-to-vomit feelings I have ever had. It was the most horrible six minutes of my entire life. 

We were at the ball fields for Kolt's football games. He had one at 10:00 and one at 11:30. We were already into the second game, so we were all comfy in our spot. Know what I mean? Our stuff was all unloaded. We had blankets out and snacks galore and we had all started chit-chatting. I had moved down the fence line to get a better view of the game, when Travis walked up behind me and asked where Kruz was. My immediate answer, "He's with PawPaw." A minute goes by and here comes Travis again. 

No Kruz. 

I am so not one to freak out. I am calm. I am cool. I am rational. He's probably at the playground with Kollin, my first thought. So I walk to the other side of the field to the playground to find ... no Kruz. 

Then I panicked. Then I became irrational. 

All of the most horrible thoughts plummeted my mind. Who grabbed him? Was he in the parking lot? Was he hurt? Then my heart flooded with prayer - God, wherever he is - please, please keep Your hands upon him. Please. Please. Please. 

By the time I got back to our group, I felt like I was going to vomit. I kept looking around and I was not finding that little blonde haired baby in his bright blue sweatshirt. Some of us went to the bathrooms, we all just split. 

What seemed like five hours was only about five minutes. My eyes kept surveying the park over and over and over. I kept thinking, this is what it feels like. This feeling of hopelessness. 

I saw Kruz come around the corner of one of the buildings with Travis and what I felt was indescribable. I was relieved, I was thankful, I was mad with him and I wanted to never let him go all at the same time. I scooped him up and did not put him down the rest of the game. 

And my poor PawPaw. I honestly think he felt just as sick as I did. You know, Kruz is his Big Boy, his Buddy, his Little Helper. 

After I thanked the Lord over and over and over again, I thought about all the parents who don't get to feel that relief, the ones who are missing their children, the ones whose imaginations are left to run wild on where their children are and it literally makes me sick to my stomach. Even now, just thinking about it all, I feel nauseous. 

If you've ever gone through this, you know the feeling I'm talking about. I am grateful our situation ended happily and my heart and prayers go out to those who don't get to experience that feeling of relief ...

People, keep an eye on your babies. Always. 

Van Time ...

So. We did it folks. 

We broke down and traded in the Mountaineer for a trusty ole' mini van. 

I would be totally lying if I didn't say I wasn't anything short of being as happy as a witch in a broom factory. 

I am ready for no longer opening my hatch in the back and everything and it's mother falling out into the parking lot. I am ready for my children to have a DVD player to watch (educational things, of course). I am ready for Kollin and Kolt to no longer be drenched in sweat by the time we get where we are going (the Mountaineer had no rear AC). I am ready for convenience. 

I have been ready. It was the husband who needed the convincing. But doing three sports this season and be constantly on the go I believe showed him how badly we needed a van for our family. 

When we first started talking about making the change, our first step was prayer. I wanted the process to be nothing short of simple. And I wanted a DVD player. Those were all my stipulations in my conversations with God. We had a strict budget and were determined to stick to it. 

In no definite "we're buying this one" mood yesterday, we headed to a dealership to check one out. 

And it was exactly what we needed. Of course, the fancy Town and Country with leather, heated seats and rear back up camera looked appetizing. But there was a budget in mind and I am so proud that we stuck to it. 

So we said goodbye to our car that has got us from A to B since we had Kruz. 

(And the dude at the dealership never said, "Okay, I'm taking the picture now ...". So excuse the crazy faces.)

And we said hello to a 2006 Nissan Quest.

Travis and I decided we will remain the coolest parents ever. And drive a van. 

And this. 

This was our blissful ride home. One that involved no fighting, no aggravating, no writing on my seats due to boredom, no "I'm hooooooooot ...". 

P.S. If you're wondering who that little lady is in our pictures with us, her name is Carmella. Her family is part of our church family. And for some odd reason, she loves us and or chaos. She is out of school for the week and asked to come spend some days with us. Considering she changes more diapers than I do and loves to be in little Mommy Mode with the boys and I love to have a little gal around here ... we of course said she could stay as long as she wanted. 

Poo Poo Pants and Barf Head ...

Me: Kruz, are you hungry?

Kruz: Yes.

Me: What do you want? I've got cereal, bagels, eggs ...

Kruz: Uuummmmm, poo poo pants.

Me: Kruz, I looooove you. 

Kruz: I love you too. Barf head. 

Me: Hey bud. Whatcha building?

Kruz: Uuummmm, poo poo pants. 

Me: Really? You're building poo poo pants?

Kruz: Yessssss.

Me: Kruz!! Are you so excited it's your turn to go spend the night with MawMaw and PawPaw?

Kruz: YES!

Me: Soooo, what are you going to do over there?

Kruz: Um, poop in my pants.

Me: Kruz! Seriously, what are you going to do over there? 

Kruz: Barf. Barf head. 

(People, these are actual conversations with my 2 year old)

So. Do you get the picture? Apparently, Kruz is infatuated with the phrases poo poo pants and barf head and everything that goes with them. The barfing. The pooping. It's all relevant here. And you know, I really don't know when it started or where he even got it from. I do know, he gets major laughs from his big brothers though when he says these things ... and he loves the attention from them. Guess it makes him feel like he's part of the 'in-crowd' or something. 

(major sigh ...) 

He's already being suckered into peer pressure from those two ... oh Lord. 

I try not to laugh and sometimes I even find myself arguing with him ... that's probably exactly what he wants. Kruz is such a ... a ...... um, character. There you go! That's the perfect word to describe him. A character. He is hilarious, dramatic and can turn on the tears in a snap. 

He is my Kruz. 

I can nearly guarantee I hear the phrases poo poo pants and barf head at least 25 times a day. No lie. And although these phrases are gross and completely out of context most times, it is pretty funny. And I know, that just like everything else my kids do, he will be done with it in the blink of an eye. And then I'll catch myself with Travis saying, 'Do you remember when Kruz used to say poo poo pants about everything? Oh man, that was so bad. Funny. But so, so bad.' 

So I try to take it all in. How he uses every opportunity possible throughout the day to insert his little phrases. His hysterical deep laugh after he says it. And then in the midst of his laughter he says it over and over. Poo poo pants. Poo poo pants. Poo poo pants.

It's part of my life right now. Poop and barf. What can I say? Other than ...

Poo poo pants. 

Barf head. 

Burnt.

What a title, right?

 

But I am.

 I am so burnt right now. Yep, it's from sitting at ball fields practically all day. Poor Kohen has a little burn too. Note to self: add sunscreen to the diaper bag. And I'm so jealous of Kruz - do any of you guys have a kid that just tans so perfectly? Well, that's Kruz. No lines ever, just a perfect blend. 

 

So here's a glimpse into our day ...

It all started with a Mommy trying to get 4 kids packed for the day and out the door in 30 minutes. I was so exhausted from yesterday that the additional 30 minutes of sleep was too appetizing and I would have rather been rushing around like a mad women than to get up the first time my alarm went off. So I nursed Kohen, dressed him and Kruz, got myself dressed, got Kolt into his football gear, made sure Kollin was matching in what he picked out, packed the diaper bag, cut up apples and oranges for snacks, added grapes and raisins to our snack bag, grabbed all of Kollin's baseball stuff, brushed my teeth, grabbed my camera and literally ran out the door. 

 

Nothing was exaggerated there. 

Travis had a yard to cut while all the madness was going down, so I had to meet him with the kids. Don't you love switching around car seats? I do not. 

 

I had a photo session at 10am for one of my favorite little girls, Miss Aria. I have been photographing her since she was 1 week old. I love having the privilege of being a part of watching little ones grow and being able to document it for their Mommys and Daddys.  Today I photographed her 1 year pictures, my how the year flew by. She was a great way to start my hectic day.

 

I left there and raced to Kolt's game. Considering I had his helmet, there was no option of running a little late. He suited up and headed to face a team full of giants. Maybe not literally giants, but for my tiny 4 year old - those nearly 7 year olds looked like giants. He fearlessly headed out on the field and tackled down some of these big ole' boys. I watched as the other team scored over and over again and was just a little teed. How fair is it to have a team of 21 kids play our team of 9? I am so not a Mommy to make excuses for her boys. Kolt is by far one of the shortest and youngest on his team and I tell him day after day that he is just as good as any other bigger player. But this morning, I honestly felt like I was feeding him to the wolves. It's over now, thank goodness. According to the board, we lost. I'd say our boys getting out there and playing their hearts out is a win in my book. 

 

Kolt's game ended at 1:05 and Kollin's began at 1:30. Remember how I ran out the door this morning? Well, this afternoon we all ran to the car and raced to another set of ball fields. On the way there I told Kollin I had this funny feeling he was going to get a great hit today. He looked at me like I was crazy. What do you know? This Mommy was right! Kollin smacked that ball and scored a run for our team. He is so focused during the game and I love watching him play defense. He is down and just waiting for that ball to get in his glove. The Gators won 17-4!! 



 

Remember the running and the racing? Yea, I did more of that. We raced home and I unloaded the kids and reloaded my camera equipment to head out for 2 more sessions. 

Needless to say, we ate cereal for dinner, took showers and poured on the aloe. 

The boys are in bed and I am in silence.

Well, I thought I was. I just heard a door creak. Guess that's my queue to shut this baby down for the night ...

Oh and happy NINE months to my KoKo Beans ...
 

Hope y'all had a wonderful Saturday!!

Ikea and More ...

Today was one of those days where we didn't stop until ... well, I guess now. 

At bedtime. 

We woke up pretty early and headed to the Health Department to get Travis' shot records for school. Little did we know he ended up needing another vaccination and the kids and I sat in the car for over an hour. Yea, you read that right ... a whole hour. Actually over an hour. And my kids and a car not moving do not mix well. Kohen squawks like a dying duck, Kruz whines about wanting water and Kollin and Kolt think it's WWF time. By the time Travis came out, I was ready to escape the vehicle for a nap. Alright, enough of my complaining. We headed to Clayton State to turn in the rest of his paperwork and then to Ikea. 

We decided to sell the boys' bunk beds. I am little agitated about it too because we just set the two sets up in their room. I have come to learn two things about bunk beds: first, they do not mix well with slanted ceilings and two, I hate changing sheets on bunk beds. I mean like, hate. My butt climbing up those skinny little stairs, um no thank you. So no more bunk beds for us. I wanted something super simple and sleek. And inexpensive. So Ikea it was. 

Us, 4 kids and Ikea. Well, it's interesting. That is the only way to explain it. Kruz feels the need to become an animal in public and Kohen acts like he has never sat up in his entire life when I put him in the buggy, I can only laugh at us. 

And can I mention how amazing the husband and I are at fitting tons of boxes and kids into a car? I'm pretty sure every person that passed by us wanted to stand there so badly to watch us fit 4 kids, 13 boxes and 3 sets of slats in our Mountaineer. 

We are a great team in more ways than one. 

So the buying of the beds was accomplished and we headed home only to literally unload the car, get the boys changed into their uniforms and get directly back out the door for a baseball game and a football scrimmage. I'm telling ya ... it's the story of our life right now. 

Kollin's team finally won their first game and Kollin was stoked to say the least. He still has a hard time at bat and had to hit off the tee tongiht, which completely embarrasses him. He did however, tag a kid out at second base - and he loved that! I missed most of Kolt's scrimmage tonight, which I hate. But really. I can't be in two places at one time. I have to accept that. It's a tough pill to swallow. Kolt's coach said their scrimmage went great and they won. Two wins - a happy Momma. 

Waffle House cooked our dinner tonight and MawMaw joined us, which was a nice treat. We all had the usual: bacon, egg and cheese on wheat for me, an angus burger for Travis and waffles, pickles and bacon for the boys. And I must mention this: have you ever had one of those kinds of laughs that is a mixture of something funny and being totally exhausted that you just laugh until coke nearly comes out of your nose? I had one of those tonight with the husband. And it was so needed. Laughter is oh, so good for my soul. 

Now we're home and I am totally about to hit the sack.

I'm wrapping this day up with this post and getting ready for 3 photo sessions, a football game and a baseball game tomorrow. 

Night y'all - Kolt says, "Peace!"